It is “winter” in Florida – that means it is in the 70s and 80s at the moment instead of the 80s and 90s and 100s. It might have even gotten down into the 60s but I try not to pay too much attention to that sort of thing because it fills me with despair.
Point is, in an effort to locate some “winter” clothes, I got my closet and dresser a bit more organized and realized I had some clothes I haven’t worn in a long time – like, a year or more.
Part of the beauty, for me, of not dieting is that while I had a sort of left-over habitual moment of worry about whether or not those clothes would still fit, it was easy to shake that off. OF COURSE they still fit. Once I stopped trying to force my body to change, my weight and shape stabilized and is happily sitting at pretty much exactly the same point it has been sitting for about 4 years now.
Some of my clothes are older than that – they are the clothes I have left over from before my last “I’ll get healthy and that will make me lose weight” attempt about 5 years ago. And those clothes? Still fit. They got a bit big when I was staving myself but I went right back to the same size (give or take a little bit) as I was before.
There’s this hot pink skirt I bought at Wal-Mart of all places, in 2004. Still fits. Still love it. There’s a black peasant top from Old Navy (I wore it yesterday as a matter of fact). There’s all of these clothes that I love and do not have to remember fondly because I can still wear them fondly.
It’s kind of amazing.
I often hear the “I can’t afford to not diet; I have to stay in these same clothes.” Buying new clothes is expensive and a pain in the ass, I get that, I really do. But buying clothes for the skinny phase (whatever counts as skinny) of your diet is not a sound motivational technique.
I have some concert t-shirts from high school. They still fit, because I was a fat kid then, too. They 14 years old, yo.
When I realized that, hey, I actually did not need to worry about whether or not those clothes would fit, it was kind of like a huge anxiety I didn’t even know I was feeling disappeared.
And getting dressed got even more fun – I had been sort of unconsciously limiting my choices without thinking about it and now…. Now I don’t have to do that anymore.
This is what I mean when I say FA is a constant process. There is so much pressure from all sides, so many internalized messages, so many past experiences rearing their heads – it all goes so deep.
So, we’ll just keep moving deeper, too, eh?
5 Comments
Right this second, I’m wearing a pair of jeans that are least one size, if not two, too small. I *finally* realized last week what has deformed my stomach/waist. Wearing pants that are too small, a problem I will likely continue having until I learn to make my own pants that can be 800 different sizes in the places they need to be.
I’ve been looking for a new pair of cheap jeans(I’ve had to adjust my “cheap” range from $15-20 up to $40, which is pretty much going to break my bank) that I like and look nice — I’m tired of buying ugly clothes just because they fit — for awhile now, and it’s proving absolutely maddening.
I actually CAN’T afford to have gained the weight I’ve gained in the past two years and it doesn’t have anything to do with a denial of my size or a fear of getting fat. I have no problem going up a size or two. It’s finding jeans in my price range.
Discouragement.
On the plus side, a friend helped me replace my cold weather coat, as I have gone through the past two winters with only light jackets. So I’m really looking forward to chilly temps!
You are so awesome and inspiring.
I can sympothize with Writer Writing, I too have gotten so used to wearing clothes too tight, it’s deformed my mid-section!
I only began my FA journey in June so my closet is still full of way too small clothes. Ones I kept shoved towards the edges, “when I lost weight”. I mentioned to my husband, I was going to give some pants that were uncomfortable to charity and he tried to encourage me to keep them for when I lost weight. I’m not trying to lose weight, I’m trying to recognize my body’s hunger cues and eating what I’m craving, whether it’s a salad or a half a cake! FA is a constant process.
So now I’m motivated to finally let go of those clothes. Skinny Pants Anxiety be gone!
Regarding the jeans notes – I find it can be helpful to measure your waist and hips while standing and sitting. If they are different you need to keep this in mind while shopping. In my case, they’re different enough that I pretty much just do elastic-waist pants, because non-elastic slacks that fit well when sitting try to fall off when I stand up.
I really appreciate this post.
I’m only in the early stages of beginning to understand what FA means. I’ve been afraid that if I don’t go back to dieting I will gain a bunch of weight – to read that your weight has remained stable is encouraging to me.
I can relate to DeinaM’s comments about having clothes that are too small taking up space in the closet. There was a time when I’d dieted nonstop for about 7 months and was thinner than I’d been when I’d graduated from high school (and that was in 1978!); I’ve been saving those clothes because I felt like I should be that size again.