So, I was reading this entry at Obesity Timebomb about grey areas and inclusivity and thinking about a couple of conversations I had this past week.

I think I’m probably one of those people she has a problem with, one of those people who insist on a couple of defining lines when it comes to defining the political movement that is (or is becoming) Fat Activism.

This debate has been raging pretty much since the Fatosphere put on it’s blogging pants. It’s been going on, in one form or another, since the idea of fat acceptance first started gaining ground. It is, at its heart, the same debate that underlies the whole issue of whether or not feeders and gainers are fat pos.

It’s all about what fat positivity, fat acceptance, and fat activism MEAN and hope to accomplish as a socio-political movement.

Now, I’m all for inclusivity. After all, the reason why we’re all here is because we feel excluded, in some shape or another, by mainstream society, by the beauty ideal, by the concept of health, by whatever. And so I think it’s natural when the first instinct is to create a space that includes everyone of every creed and shape and color and orientation and defining characteristics.

And I largely support that. I think Fat Activism especially, as a political movement, only strengthens when we talk about issues of intersectionality, when we have a strong and diverse population representing different experiences, different classes, different lives.

But I also believe in creating a space where, for once, the dominant voice is that of the Fat Accepting Person. The size or shape of that person is irrelevant. The one important thing about that voice, for me, is that it is consistently a fat-accepting one.

The entire rest of the world provides a forum for the voices of People Who Hate Fat and People Who Are Conflicted About Fat and People Who Have Tough Choices To Make About Fat. The rest of the world (including a bunch of my coworkers) is happy to talk about Why Oprah Should Be Ashamed For Letting Herself Go. It’s happy to whisper with you about the size of your thighs and will nod in eager agreement when you say you can’t wear sleeveless tops, you just can’t because your arms are MONSTROUS.

The rest of the world will gladly commiserate when you need sympathy because dieting is Just So Hard.

The rest of the world will validate every hateful thought you’ve had about your fat. It’ll back you up when you say, no, but really, YOUR fat is bad for your health and you HAVE to lose weight.

I am all for inclusivity but I don’t want to have those conversations in my own space. I am buffeted by them every time I leave my house. Hell, IN my house, when I turn on the television or even the radio. I want one space in which the default view is fat positivity, even if that’s a challenge for some people.

After all, it’s not like dieters aren’t allowed to read and comment here. People considering weight loss surgery and people who have HAD weight loss surgery comment and participate here and it’s no problem.

But when dieters and people considering weight loss surgery want to make those conversations the center of attention? Yeah, no. That’s not going to fly with me. Not as a general rule (there are always notable exceptions). It’s the rare conversation on these topics that brings something new to the table. When that happens, I’m glad of it, but I’m also protective of the small space we’ve carved out for ourselves where we don’t have to constantly defend our choice not to diet or have weight loss surgery.

It’s not about factionalism. It’s about what fat activism and fat acceptance MEAN. On the most basic level, it means divorcing yourself from the ubiquitous message that fat is bad. And if fat isn’t bad, we’re under no obligation to get rid of it. In fact, even if it WERE bad, we’d still be under no moral obligation to get rid of it because my body is not a moral battleground – it’s my fucking body!

When I think of divisive factionalism, I think of the larger fatties who won’t deign to acknowledge the fat experience of smaller fatties. I think of smaller fatties who pull out the “well, that’s just TOO fat” trope. I think of fatties who pursue the mainstream ideal of health and leave behind those who cannot or have no interest in achieving it and I think of the fatties who don’t meet those arbitrary standards who turn their back on HAES and its practitioners because it MUST just be another message saying Good Fatty/ Bad Fatty in disguise. I think of people who perpetuate shape privilege and straight privilege and, yeah, goddamn white privilege and who don’t want to talk about what other characteristics might mean when it comes to fat experience.

I sure as hell don’t think about the fundamental definition of fat acceptance – accepting fat as a neutral value characteristic.

In this blog, and in the fat-pos spaces I prefer, we talk critically about the things society would have us all embrace without question, whether it’s fad dieting, shapewear (ugh, that’s a whole ‘nother post), weight loss surgery, or any of a million other topics. This space we’ve created is one of the very few places where you can HAVE a critical conversation on these topics.

Believe me, we’ve all heard all of the pros. It’s time to talk about the cons. I’m sorry that some people find that exclusionary but I’m also, as I said, protective of this space. I’m not going to go and insist that my Jewish friends have a conversation about how delicious ham is in their synagogue and I’m not going to rave about cock to my lesbian friends at the gay bar in the hopes of Just Making Them Understand My Point of View.

It isn’t about my point of view. Those spaces are not about my point of view so, really, I need to just shut the hell up about it. They’ve heard it. From other assholes who Just Want To Be Understood.

This idea that the complexity of chosing weight loss surgery never gets discussed in the Fatosphere is just so much hot air. It does. It’s not an every day topic but it doesn’t have to be. I’d love to see a blog on the feed that deals with that, but I won’t define it as a fat pos blog because having surgery to induce malnutrition to lose weight is not a fat pos action. When a former activist goes on a diet to lose weight, I may still dig the hell out of them personally and wish them well, but that is not a fat positive action. Yeah, they lose cred as an activist in my eyes. It doesn’t cheapen anything they’ve done before and if they work as an advocate, I’ll be thrilled. But dieting isn’t a part of Fat Activism. Neither is weight loss surgery.

Look, in the end, it comes down to a very old saying:

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

We stand for fat positivity. For rejecting the constant barrage of societal messages telling us we’re defective, worth less, hideous, deformed, and a plethora of other adjectives. We stand for taking care of your own health, whatever your personal definition of that is and without it being a relative meter stick for defining your worth as a human being. We stand for doctors treating us with dignity and care instead of with weight loss pamphlets and canned speeches. We stand for goddamn options when it comes to clothes, ffs.

We stand for something. And when we stop standing for it, the whole community falls. For anything.

To be explicit: I welcome people who diet and who are struggling with the decision to have (or not have) weight loss surgery. I welcome people who have had surgery and are unhappy and who have had surgery and ARE happy. I welcome people who are thin and fat and every size and shape imaginable. I welcome people. But I do not welcome discussion about dieting. I do not welcome discussion about how great it was to lose weight via surgery. I do not welcome, as a general rule, discussion about why we really SHOULD consider weight loss surgery – because I’ve heard all of that and what we’re discussing here doesn’t ever get any play anywhere else.

If you feel there is no space for people who are struggling with the decision to have (or not have) weight loss surgery, I highly recommend creating that space. It will be infinitely more valuable than highjacking this space for that conversation.