Today is Wednesday and the wedding we are going to is Friday afternoon/evening. And I just dropped off my gown for alterations. What’s that you say? I’m pushing it mighty close? Why, yes, I am. But the first woman I called wound up being too busy with Halloween stuff and it’s taken me a little while to find someone else. Tina promises me I can pick the dress up on my way home after work tomorrow and, after seeing how little actually needs to be done, I believe her.
Here’s the thing – the dress was just enough too big that it pretty much fit but looked dumpy and awful and I’ve been beating myself up about that as though it were my body’s fault. Somehow I convinced myself that, when I managed to find someone to alter this complicated dress (it isn’t even all that complicated, but I had to make things more difficult for myself somehow), they weren’t going to be able to make it look any better and I was just going to look horrible next to Ed in his super fancy pants. He looks so good, y’all.
Really, the problem was just that the top of the dress was too big. Tina’s going to take in the sides (which I could have done if I’d managed to be rational about this) and tighten the elastic (I could have also done this but, again, I was not succeeding at the rationality thing so well) that holds the off-the-shoulder ruffle and sleeves in place. It’s a couple inches on either side. The top of the dress was TOO BIG, duh.
*headshake* It is easy, for some reason, to blame ourselves, and our bodies. It’s some twisted sense of personal responsibility. But it’s misguided. Tina pinned the sides of the dress and it magically looked about 100 times better. She’s taking in the sleeves and the elastic, too, and when she marked that and showed me, that small a change made a huge difference, too.
Such small things, a few inches of fabric and a little extra elastic. But they make all the difference in the world when it comes to how I respond to me wearing that dress.
If you are wearing clothes that are too big because you think it hides your fat, you’re wrong. It doesn’t hide anything – it just makes you look like a person wearing clothes that are too big. So, you know, maybe you should stop that.
And remember – it isn’t your body. Bodies are what they are and trying to change them costs a lot more (in so many ways) than changing the clothes.
11 Comments
While wearing baggy clothes to hide one’s fat is fruitless and can contribute to bad body image, I want to add that there are other perfectly fine reasons to wear baggy clothes.
For me, because I’m in pain so often, sometimes baggier pants hurt my skin less. That’s just one example. There are probably others too. Sometimes comfort carries the day, and that’s okay.
I think that wearing baggy clothing can really make a woman look well… dumpy. She sacrifices some of her femininity if she gives up fashion because she thinks that her body doesn’t deserve it, and it’s unfortunate.
University Princess, I agree that that’s true sometimes. But not always — sometimes loose looks good. The devil’s in the details. Also, clothing has lots of functions besides making the wearer attractive, and it’s morally fine not to prioritize attractiveness if you don’t want to. As dressaday said a while ago, you don’t have to be pretty. Loose clothing is unfortunate if it’s to hide fatness or because someone doesn’t feel they deserve anything else; but those aren’t not the only reason that loose clothing is worn.
Oops, sorry for double-neg. *stops comment-spammng now*
I was in a wedding weekend before last…with a bunch of teeny little bridesmaids, of course! I didn’t exactly have a choice about altering my way-too huge dress, but I, too, was peasantly surprised how good it looked afterwards. In fact, I even had some guests tell me that I looked way hotter than the thin girls! Booyah!
Don’t be afraid of your hips ‘n’ curves, ladies. It’s all in how you carry yourself, so do it with the most confidence you can muster.
Correct fit makes a huge difference, and it just doesn’t happen spontaneously very often in our off-the-rack world.
I also think a word needs to be said about the difference between something that fits correctly but is designed to be fuller as opposed to something that just doesn’t fit. I’ve got a fabulous top with flowing sleeves, an empire waistline, and very full skirt to it. Mr. Twistie salivates when I wear it because the cut (while full) is flattering, the color is the right shade of purple for my skin tone and eyes, and I feel so damn great in it. I also have some skintight things in my wardrobe and a lot that fall somewhere in between. If the cut is good for you and the fit is correct, the outfit will flatter even if it somewhat embiggens your silhouette.
But if it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t matter how good the cut is or what direction the failure to fit is in, it’s just going to make you look bad.
And the lesson we take from this? A girl’s best friend is a good alterations person.
There are absolutely excellent reasons to wear baggy clothes – but I’d also like to point out that there is a difference between clothes that are designed to be baggy and clothes that are actually too big.
And there are totally reasons to wear clothes that are too big, too, which is why I tried to be specific. *grin*
We get into this on Fats all the time, actually, especially when trapeze dresses come up as a topic. I’m all about rejecting the idea that fat women have to wear form-fitting clothes to demonstrate that they aren’t ashamed of their bodies. I think fat women in particular and all people in general can demonstrate that there is no shame in their body by wearing what makes them happy.
I think the point is to get a fit that looks good on you. Props to TR for taking the steps to make a dress that didn’t look all that good better!
And I realize now that I never got to the point I most intended to make in my first comment: it’s just the same for thin women. Bad fit is bad fit. Clothes come in generalizations, but we have specific bodies. Your arms may be longer or shorter than the fit model’s were. Your butt may be rounder or flatter, your shoulders broader or narrower, and let’s not even get started on the many variations of breasts!
When you take a piece of clothing off the rack, it’s meant to sort of fit a more or less average build for certain measurements, but your body almost certainly won’t precisely match it.
It’s not your fault. It’s not the manufacturer’s fault. It’s the fault of a system that tries to give the right fit to everyone while using a single template.
Of course, the alternative of making everything custom is probably prohibitively expensive to manufacturers, so things probably won’t change anytime soon.
Sometimes, though, it’s nice to know that it’s a problem that’s egalitarian enough to hit us all, fat or thin or somewhere in between.
Most of all, it’s important to remember that it’s the job of the clothes to fit us, not our job to fit them. And it’s usually not too difficult to get the clothes fitted to us, particularly if we have access to a good alterations person.
The fit issue always reminds me of a roommate I had freshman year of college. She wasn’t actually fat, but she gained weight over the year and went from a 6 or 8 to a 10 or 12. However, she didn’t buy new clothes, she just kept wearing the two sizes too small ones. It made her look much bigger than she actually was.
I’ve actually found that I hear the most negativity (and, I’ll admit it, I tend to jump on that bandwagon) when a person is wearing clothes that are simply too small. There’s intentionally tight which can look great, and then there’s what I think must be accidentally tight. If you’re a size 26 and you want to wear a mini skirt and tube top, great. If you’re size 26 and want to wear that mini and tube top in a size 20, don’t. Sorry if that sounds judgmental or something, but I can’t imagine that even being comfortable!
(I hope that comment made sense it’s late and I should be sleeping.)
I find I look smaller when I’m wearing fitted tops than baggy t-shirts. Fitted–I look curvy, baggy–I just look big.
(To give you a rough approximation of my size, I’m 185 and 5′8″. When I was eating healthier/not on Zyprexa + Depakote/etc., I was more like 145-155 and I miss being that size. )