I feel extremely aggravated, of late, when people solicit instruction about whether they should keep a certain dress or even just bother to try something on. There is a fundamental difference between “how do you think this looks?” and “should I try a pencil skirt when I weigh xyz and am shaped 123?”

The first asks for feedback that will be processed and sorted and weighed ALONG WITH the querant’s own opinion and feelings about the garment. The second asks someone else to make a decision for the querant.

The thing where people want someone else to make their decisions for them, thus rendering them responsibility-free the way children are, irritates the crap out of me. I understand the motivation behind it – making decisions is hard! Sometimes you just want someone else to decide what you are going to have for dinner, why can’t they ever make up their mind?

Ahem.

But getting into the habit of letting other people make your sartorial decisions for you means that YOU are not the one getting dressed in the morning. Sure, you’re putting on clothes. But they are clothes chosen by committee, a committee that only marginally acknowledges that you have a vote in this process. You wear this skirt because so-and-such said it emphasized your waist and this top because a different some-and-such told you that you should only wear v-necks with your double-chin.

What about the clothes that you, as an individual with your own thoughts, feelings, and taste in clothes, like? What about the things that you actually want to wear? They get lost in the shuffle of seeking approval for your outfits – outfits you are only confident enough to wear because enough people have told you they look good. What happens to that confidence when someone with a dissenting opinion comes along? It disappears. It was groundless all along.

I know you’re looking for back-up, that you’ve learned to doubt yourself and your ability to pick out clothes. It’s hard to adjust, especially when you are learning to view your body in a different way. That’s why feedback can be important. But don’t let other people tell you how to dress.

My style tends to be… eclectic. I don’t much worry about matching, I wear a lot of black – and when I’m not wearing black, I’m wearing obnoxious. I wear clothes with silly ruffles and my hair goes everywhere and my eyeshadow is ridiculous. I wear stripey socks and boots with dresses.

I wear these things because, when I get dressed in the morning, they make me happy and they express who I am and where I am at as a person. I tone it down a little for work (most of the time) because I am a little toned down at work. But my clothes are fun and I love them.

Some people love my outfits. I post outfit pictures at the fatshionista livejournal community sometimes and people respond with a lot of positivity. But there are also people who think I look childish, ridiculous in a bad way, and like a hot mess who ought to brush her damn hair.

And that is okay, too. There is no pleasing everyone and, frankly, I don’t have the time or energy to try. I have other things to do!

And so do you. Wear what you love.