So, I taught for a while. High school. Kids who had been expelled from the regular school system. My classroom was a multi-subject, mixed-grade-level place to be. And my students were a mixed-up grab bag of socio-economic status and offense.
In a lot of ways, it was the greatest classroom ever.
And it opened up a lot of opportunities I had not had before to observe how people experienced race and to talk to people and to have people talk to me.
The interesting thing is that, in all those three years, not a single white kid asked me what I was but it came up at least once a semester with my other kids. And with a few of the administrators.
“Why isn’t your hair smooth like other white peoples? What have you got in you?” That wasn’t a kid. That was the woman who ran the guidance office. I was honest. Told her I had no idea. I am an adoptee and I have no information about my biological parents other than a long-standing family story that my father was French.
My family is very white and very Southern, and so it never really entered into the conversation that people in many different parts of the world speak French and that language does not necessarily indicate a specific racial heritage.
The woman in the guidance office said I must have something in me somewhere and, really, I can’t argue with that. I am culturally white, but my appearance doesn’t always agree with my culture.
“Ms. Kirby, you are NOT white,” my students would tell me. They would speak to me in Spanish when they first met me and were always surprised that I am only fluent in English. When I’m at the airport, other travelers do the same. Guys have tried using it as a pickup line, too. “You want a little MORE black in you?” “You look Colombian, come over here and talk to me.” “You have such a Latin booty, shake it for me.”
This past Saturday, I was at The Avenue and the sales clerk told me there was NO WAY I was 100% white. Two sales clerks at Walgreens were just talking about my hair – the white clerk said I must have thick hair in my genes and the Spanish clerk said I must be Spanish.
This sort of thing happened all the time when I was a child, too. It taught me two things, very early in life. 1) I am never pegged as anything other than white by white people – I suspect because white people do not automatically consider race. It’s the privilege of being white that race isn’t an important part of identity. 2) It is stupid to hate anyone based on difference. Unless I get a court order to unseal my adoption records and successfully track down both biological parents, I have no idea what my actual background is. Hating anyone could lead me to hate myself and, well, that’s just crazy.
And I’ve grown up with all of this but I still don’t, because I am culturally white and because white people view me as white, have to confront the issue of race as part of my identity. Or maybe I do, to some small degree, and that is why I am sitting here writing this and why it’s been swirling in my head for the past few days.
All of this is to say that I don’t feel qualified to speak about racism. It’s abhorrent and, when it’s obvious, I can call it out and frequently do. In this blog, I speak about fat hatred and, sometimes, feminist issues. Because I am fat and I am a woman. I have direct experience with these things and, in the case of feminism, a lot of academic theory to back me up. I think those who directly experience an oppression are generally the most qualified to speak on it, so I look to people of color for commentary on racism.
But, for the record, ya’ll, racism is tied in to all of this stuff. Because it all comes from a fear of difference. The patriarchy (whoo!) has the power and the process of othering is how anyone other than the mainstream ideal has their power stripped from them. It’s not so cut and dried and easy, nor is it, I believe, a conscious thing. There probably ARE people for whom it’s a conscious thing, but I would have -10 million times less faith in the basic goodness of humanity if I believed EVERYONE consciously reinforced this system.
This is why one oppression is no better than another. Sexism and rape are no better or worse than racism (and I apologize if anyone misread my sarcastic remark – it’s totally my fault because I am used to writing for the same people who all know my tone and I need to break this habit because, hey, I don’t know all of ya’ll and ya’ll don’t know me and I can’t just assume you know how I intend things, you know?) and able-ism is not better or worse than lookism is not better or worse than age-ism, ad infinitum.
All of these issues concern me because they all come from the same place. I speak to what I know, but remember that replacing one oppression with another is just perpetuating the same paradigm that we are in right now. Where the different are othered and people’s power is constantly taken away from them.
So. I’m sorry if this is more rambly than usual. I’ve just been thinking a lot about this lately, especially since the whole Opie and Anthony thing – and yay, they have been suspended! It’s just for 30 days, but it is a start. It was suggested that it hasn’t gotten more coverage because Condoleezza Rice is a black woman and that honestly hadn’t occurred to me but it makes total sense.
18 Comments
before being fired, imus was suspended only for 2 weeks.
one reason it’s not getting coverage may be a different kind of bias – the mainstream media views satellite radio as weird, alien, and threatening, and talks about it as little as possible. (also i don’t think don king has jumped on this one yet…)
I think there are probably a LOT of different biases all functioning here — I’m just glad that money talks loudly enough to ensure at least SOME consequence for these guys, you know?
And, ouch, the Don King remark just undermines your point!
it was meant to be snarky, not serious – internet and tone.
but i also think that his involvement in the imus case had a *lot* to do with its coverage.
Tone is hard on the internet and I am really trying to remind myself that, especially on this blog, my tone is not going to be immediately evident to people. Sarcastic comments, especially, I’m trying to watch.
So I get what you mean, thanks for clarifying.
white people tend to narrow it down further. i don’t identify as white, but as irish-italian. a: this means i’m most likely not totally white, as both those places were conquered by anyone who happened to be passing by, and b: this is a privilege, as most (american) blacks have no information on their ancestors’ specific origins. still, anyone capable of defining their race to that level might jump at the chance: i’d a friend in college who was half japanese and half okinawan, and she was very clear that the two were different.
Interesting points, Steanne.
My adopted family is so hodgepodge (though I know there is some Italian in there) that they really only identify (inasmuch as they identify at all) as white Americans. White Southern Americans. Well, that’s my mom’s side of the family anyway. My dad’s side of the family is Scottish, for the most part.
For myself, I sometimes wonder. I think it would be interesting to participate in the conversations about where my ancestors came from.
Hell, I can’t even get a chart done because I don’t know what time I was born!
I often wonder if I am the only person in the states that couldn’t possibly care one bit about their “ethnic heritage”. People ask me what I am and I say “I’m a New Yorker.” No matter how many times they pester me for “a real answer” after that, the answer never changes. And then they get annoyed because I don’t use some sort of hyphenated referential to countries I’ve never been to and don’t care about. I was born in NYC and so were my parents. (and in fact, so were most of my grandparents.)
That’s all I think anyone should be required to say, and not even that.
I also have no idea what my heritage is, as my mother was adopted by my grandparents. So, of course, since my mother doesn’t know where SHE came from, it’s quite difficult for me to do any real family tree. People ask me all the time if I’m German (Like WTH does a German look like??), but if they saw my mother & father, I highly doubt it. They both have brown hair & brown eyes. I have no idea where I got my blonde hair & blue eyes from. But, for the most part, I don’t care. I don’t lie awake at night wondering about it or anything. lol
I know I’m me, I know who I am, and that’s really all that is important (to me anyway). Though I suppose it may be at least somewhat interesting to know the answer when people ask me about heritage.
Just on a side note, I really can’t stand when people refer to themselves as “African American” or “Irish American”, etc. (fill in the blank) when they, or their parents or even their grandparents, have never set foot in those countries in their entire lives. Ok, if you’ve never been to Ireland and you were born in the US, you’re just American. I’m sure somebody will disagree with me here, but it’s how I feel. Now, if your parents just sailed in from Cuba a month ago and you just HAPPENED to be born on American soil, that’s a little bit different, but that is not the type of case I am talking about here.
it’s a commonly expected part of identity. it’s not something i’m heavily invested in, but i think when trying to do the standard pigeonholing when meeting a new person, people want to know where home is. i don’t have a strong attachment to the places i’ve lived, so i use the answer of the last ancestors i know of who did feel a strong connection with their homes.
but yeah, the ones who sit on the board of the local italian-american society three generations later? that’s a little strange.
I hate the term “African-American” because many black people? Not African. And I’ve heard people get *angry* at the misnomer.
This is a facinating entry. i’m left wondering if these experiences of people saying you’re not 100% white would feel different for you if you *did* know your specific ethnic background.
“It was suggested that it hasn’t gotten more coverage because Condoleezza Rice is a black woman…”
i’m betting it has more to do with the fact that she is a republican black woman.
Applauds. I’d add, the thing about bigotry is, different kinds are usually found together and are fused in ways that become mutually reinforcing. So trying to separate them too neatly or – god forbid – pitting one against another (or ranking them against each other) is horribly self-defeating.
I suppose there are pure forms of bigotry – maybe the Opie and Anthony outrage started out originally as “purely” sexism – but if you listen to that show and read the comments of their listeners on their message board it’s clear that their discourse is a pastiche of every major prejudice you can think of. They use these prejudices to reinforce each other. (and in their case it is most definitely conscious imho).
I understand what you mean, in newyork everyone of all races knew I was puerto rican, when I moved to other states like texas, ohio or california I get called all types of things.
In texas I am offen thought to be what is called blexican(a slang term for a black mexican mix), but most often I’m assumed to be a light skinned black woman. many puerto ricans have color bias(lighter the better) but thats usually just a joking thing among family, since all puerto ricans are mixed between 3 races black/moreno, white,costillano,and native american/indio. and though most of us have an appearance that looks to be right in the middle of the 3, we have throwbacks all through our famillies, I have a sister that looks to anyone who see’s her to be white, my older brother likes to anyone looking to be black man until he starts talking, then his ricky ricardo voice tells them different(he was the only one of us born in puerto rico).
The rest of us look like what you would think of when you imagine a puerto rican, my father looks like a light skinned black man and my mother looks like a dark italian.
and all this makes me a good hair dresser because I have cut & permed all grades of hair within my own family.
I just wish the rest of the world viewed race like that, just a difference in appearance between people in a family
A) Excellent post.
B) I’m totally fascinated by the point that white people just assume you’re white (which I did, too, going by the pix I’ve seen), but people of color don’t. Another aspect of privilege I never thought about.
A) Thanks!
B) That is the part that is most interesting for me. I’ve never had it happen with a photograph, but in person…. It really just highlights that white people have the privilege of not thinking about race. It’s fascinating.
I’ve been reading (and loving!) your blog for a couple weeks, but I’m coming out of lurk mode to comment on this fantastic post.
I really identify with what you’ve said here. I’m adopted as well, and I think I have a different experience with race (my own, and others’) because of that. A big part of it is like you said: Hating anyone could lead me to hate myself and, well, that’s just crazy.
It’s complicated stuff, and I don’t think I have it all figured out yet. In fact, I don’t think I have it figured out enough to even comment on this, but I wanted to tell you that I liked this post.
if you really wanted to know your full genetic heritage then why not get a dna ancestry/heritage test.