I hope everyone, regardless of nationality, had a lovely day yesterday. While I generally love the 4th of July, I had kind of a cruddy day. To make up for it, and a lot of the time I spend worrying (because if I don’t worry about something the world will end), I booked an appointment tomorrow with a local day spa for some massage and pampering.
One of the things I did, as I made my appointment, was ask about the size range of their robes. “Oh, we want everyone to feel comfortable so we have everything from an XS to a 4X.” These are mens sizes, so I’m pretty confident that there will be a robe to accommodate my girth.
And while that doesn’t actually encompass EVERYONE, it’s better than some other spas I have called.
I went to a spa in upstate New York that had abandoned the use of robes altogether. They wrapped their guests in sheets. It was actually pretty much the most awesome thing ever.
Massage can be a touchy subject (pun fully intended) for fat people who have varying degrees of body shame. Even if you don’t hate your body, being naked on a table while someone else rubs your muscles can be a bit of a stressful situation – it’s vulnerable at best and, at worst, a nightmarish invitation to ridicule.
But I encourage fatties to indulge in massage. In a spa, in your home, whatev. It feels really good and, as a side benefit, really helps to center you in your body. Massage is all about experiencing the body, but in a nonsexual way. It is, unless you have an asshole massage therapist (and while they exist I think the profession tends to attract non-assholes for the most part), a nonjudgemental atmosphere.
In addition to the vulnerability engendered by the position you’re in, there is also the “being the center of attention” aspect that freaks some people out. You and your body are the focus of this exercise, for however long it lasts, be it for half an hour or two hours. If you’ve spent your life trying to be as invisible as possible, it can be hard. But it really is worth it. You are worth the attention.
If you don’t think you can handle the massage option, take yourself out for a manicure and/or spa pedicure. All your clothes will stay on and you’ll still be doing something nice for yourself.
It’s super cheesy, but treating my body well in a variety of ways – whether that means eating when I am hungry or getting a nice hair cut – reminds me to treat it well when I look at it, too. I treat myself, when I can afford it, to these sorts of things because my body deserves to be treated. My body is capable of relaxation (even though I am not very good at it) and comfort and feeling good. I, as a person, deserve those feelings.
So do you.
17 Comments
Now THIS is some amazing timing! Two days ago I received the card of a massage therapist for my back and have been scared to call. Body shame, mobility issues, the usual. But, you’re right, I deserve to feel better.
I recommend my massage therapist to just about everyone I meet. Besides having Mad Skillz (especially with fibromyalgia patients), she’s easily the most loving and nonjudgmental person I have ever met.
A spa that explicitly includs everyone sounds like heaven. Do you mind saying where this was?
Heidi, I hope you have already called that number! You absolutely deserve to feel better and massage might go a long way toward helping with that. *hug*
Dani, that is awesome. I know a lot of people of a lot of sizes who are freaked out at the idea of massage and mani/pedi stuff, but I love how it is all about contact in a nonsexual way. Our culture sexualizes touch to such a degree. *headshake* But that is a different issue!
Magpie, I’m going to the Euro Day Spa in Winter Park, FL tomorrow. The spa in NYC…. Lemme see if I can find that for you. It’s been a while since the trip a friend and I took up there.
I *adore* massage. I tend to go for the generally more affordable student massages at my local massage therapy school. I think of it as a good deal for me, plus hopefully normalizing fat bodies for the students.
I’m so glad you posted this! My husband is treating me to my first massage experience for our anniversary and I’ve been so nervous about it.
Ooh, Tari, what massage school is that? Because I need to get me some.
Foot massages are another good way to ease oneself into the massage world if antsy about it. I got a few massages when I lived near a massage therapy school (half-price student massages, woo!) and they were fabulous. It did take awhile to calm down with the whole naked thing, but it was a great place – they let me keep on as much of my clothes as I wanted and were very respectful. The only time I was ever really self-conscious was the last one; I had booked a foot massage, so I didn’t bother to shave my legs, and when I got there they had listed it as a whole-body. Scratchy!
Oh, I have a good massage story – I took my mom for one, and while I was waiting for her, a very cutesy college couple came into the place. The guy thought he was all hot stuff because he was being “sensitive and caring” and bought his girlfriend a massage, and she was so excited about it. The receptionist said “Oh, OK, you called and booked with Sasha?.” Affirmative from guy, who is smug, girl is bouncing up and down she’s so excited. Then this pretty cute guy came out of the back room, walked over, and said “Hi, I’m Sasha.” Girlfriend looked like she just won the lottery, boyfriend looked like he’d just swallowed a frog.
It’s right downtown in the Loop – Chicago School of Massage Therapy. Their student massages are $40 an hour, and if you know what you like and can ask for it, it’s every bit as good as a pro massage.
I highly recommend facials. They are less expensive than massages but mindblowingly pleasurable. I fact, I posted all about it on my blog Psyched Out awhile back after my first one. Everybody said they were “relaxing” but that so doesn’t come close to descibing it. And you typically get a nice shoulder rub in the deal. I am becoming disabled for standing and walking, I’ve had lots of tests and none of my doctors can figure out what it is, though they have ruled out a number of Very Bad Things. And none them have been mean or biased or told me that it’s my weight.
Anyway this state of affairs had been adding to my depression. i had a stressful day at work and was feeling terrible mentally and physically. I had a haircut planned, so I called and got an appointment for a facial.
And it changed my life.
I’m absolutely serious about that. Because it reminded me that with all my troubles and stress, that wonderful new experiences were around the corner and it restored my hope. It made me realize that nobody’s life is perfect, and I am extremely priveleged. I have a loving and satisfying marriage, adorable twins who were growing more mature and easy to parent, a job I love and the list goes on. All for under fifty dollers.
The way I look at it is that a successful massage therapist will have seen many, many naked people of all shapes, sizes, and both genders. Back fat, and shoulder hair and acne and who knows what. I don’t doubt there are squeamish and insensitive massage therapists out there, but I’ve not met one. I think you kind of have to be prepared for seeing any and all body types before you choose it as a career. My massage therapist (I go weekly) and I talk as personal friends the whole time I’m getting massaged, but as far as my carcass (or anyone’s) on the table, she says all she sees is muscle and bone.
I love love love massages. And facials. And everything that pampers you. Specially after stressful moments in your life, like University and sucky times in general. It all feels like a new beginning and it really fuels me up.
The only fat-bashing experience I’ve had at the spa was after a chocowrap massage. For those who haven’t had it, the thing is just marvelous. They massage you with some scrub made out of chocolate, they wrap you in Reynold’s plastic, and then they leave you for half an hour so the properties of chocolate do wonders to your skin. Then you take a shower and they put some cream on you. It is usually chocolate cream because, well, duh, it’s a chocowrap. The awesome thing about chocowraps is the chocolate.
One day I got a chocowrap with a masseuse I hadn’t seen before. She suggested I put on some reductive cream with algae instead of the chocolate cream. I said “no”. She was like “but it will make you lose weight”. I was like “no, I don’t want it, I want the chocolate one” (this was after I started loving myself but before I got into FA). She said “but you’re going to smell like chocolate”. I said “I WANT TO SMELL LIKE CHOCOLATE”.
And I smelled like chocolate.
I went to Bliss in downtown Chicago last summer for “The Herbie” which is a facial and body wrap combo. It was really REALLY nice. I did have concerns about the robes fitting me and stuff, but as soon as I walked into the bathroom the woman who was working int here said “Oh let me get you a different robe.” And Viola, gigantic men’s robe.
(Plus the showers were amazing. I would go again, if only just for the shower. It was a shower steam room combo with a little automated eucaliptis sprayer thing. When I have money, I’m getting one.)
I don’t do massages though, my back is ticklish.
I am a spa-aholic! My husband and I go for massages almost everywhere we go. When we are looking at hotels for trips the deciding vote usually goes to the one that has a spa. We have even gone on spa vacations where we just hang out at a full service spa with an inn for a couple of days. Talk about relaxing! I do have problems with robes. I need a 3x and most places don’t have them. So what I have done is get an extra large towel wrap that I bring with me when I spa, so if the robe doesn’t fit, I’m still covered (literally). I got over the naked part pretty quickly. What took a while was the being the center of attention thing. I often find myself thinking what did I deserve to have such a pleasurable experience. This is the type of treatment that would have been reserved for Kings and Emperors at one time. But then I think about how much I am paying and those thoughts go away. I also love facials and get one about every 6 weeks or so. Age is NOT going to get me gracefully… I am very friendly with my facial-ist. She give a great foot/let and arm/shoulder massage included. I truly feel bad for people who have that “I don’t want a stranger touching me” thing. If you haven’t done it yet. DO IT!
Massage therapists are used to working with all different body sizes. They won’t think twice about your appearance. They will just get to work. And its not just plus sizes that struggle with this, clients of all size go through the anxiety of getting their first massage.
Lauren
http://www.massage-certification.com