I think one reason that food and movement (I’m entirely over the term exercise and movement is kind of feel-goody yuck but it will suffice, I think) get so much air time in blogs like this is because we have all, in the past, been accused of lying about it. By doctors, by fat haters, by our parents/relatives/people who raised us as fat kids/etc. And now we have this space where , aside from the occasional troll, we don’t have to worry about that. And so it feels radical and liberating to talk about the things we are eating that no one has ever believed (which I think dangerously grows into the “I can eat less than you” game) and the ways in which we move our bodies.
It’s heady stuff.
I can tell you I MADE A SALAD AND ENJOYED IT and you aren’t going to tell me I must have made a salad out of donuts.
Mmmmmmmm, donuts.
Ahem.
So, we try to talk about food in value neutral ways because the only good and bad associated with food is how they taste. Sometimes, as has been revealed by recent discussion, we don’t pull this off. But I don’t know that that’s reason to stop trying, you know?
When we’re dieting, we’re often encouraged to keep a special record of the foods we eat and the amounts. There are even programs like Fitday to track your calories and tell you how good you are being. These lists are either deeply secret, as we hide how much we eat, or something we brag about in public because we have eaten SO VERY LITTLE.
I want to try something. I want to post about the food I eat each day, or almost every day (depending on how much time I have) , in a value-neutral way. I want to list the food I have eaten and enjoyed (or not enjoyed) and not play the game of “how many calories” or “smaller portion sizes” or whatever.
I just want to post a list and show you what intuitive eating looks like for me. I want to illustrate that, no matter what is on the list, there is no shame associated with food – I don’t have to keep it secret or feel bad if I eat cookies.
There has been, at least around livejournal, this thing called a Fuck You Foodlog. But it always seems to be intended to show you how WELL people are eating, how much healthful food they eat. I’m not about playing that game. I don’t want to use that name.
Help me come up with something else to call this? Because I’m not entirely sure the “Food Has No Shame Food Log” is as pithy as I might like. *grin*
And I WILL put these lists behind a cut for those who might feel really uncomfortable or triggered by them. I’d like talking about what we eat to not automatically be dieting behavior but I also know that it’s impossible to separate for some people.
And so, what I ate yesterday.
A Gala apple
Half an Egg McMuffin with no egg (food allergy) – this tastes like HORRIBLENESS, I do not suggest it.
Chicken panang with broccoli and baby corn, left over from the night before
A Minneola tangelo (my first – these are amazing AND seedless)
A Boston Cream donut (alas, my coworker did not bring any baby-flavored ones)
Some Pringles Cheezums
Some Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies
A steak
Corn with butter, sea salt,and pepper
Salad with red leaf romaine, green leaf romaine, spinach, tomato, feta cheese, avocado, and an oil and red wine vinegar dressing we made with salt, pepper, and crushed garlic because we were out of anything else
Sauteed mushrooms (with salt, pepper, garlic – do you see a theme?) cooked in the steak drippings
Another cookie
I have started eating so much more since this whole food delivery thing. It’s pretty awesome even if it is taking some getting used to, let me tell you. I feel like I am CONSTANTLY eating and I’ve had to process some guilt feelings about that.
39 Comments
I associate the shame or absence of it with portion sizes. A list like this is meaningless to me. As I work to release the idea of “good” foods and “bad” foods I am learning that my issues have been with how much I was eating, not what I was eating. For example, I think of pizza as “bad” because eating it meant wanting the WHOLE pizza. A steak for me now can be a 5oz filet mignon when it used to be a two-pack of the biggest rib eyes I could find, alongside BOTH of the potatoes in a package of Ore-Ida twice-baked, followed by the WHOLE pint of Ben & Jerry’s. “Some” cheezums for me would have been nearly the whole container if not all of it.
How you want to post this information is up to you. It just raises more questions for me than answers and I am trying to guide myself to a different perspective on food.
What’s a panang? And huzzah for the bostom creme doughnut! Those’re my favorite, usually reserved for after my aquabics class because a part of me thinks it ironic. ^^
Food is fascinating. Sometimes it’s individual, but for most of history it’s been part of a cultural experience. You can get insight into people and ethnic groups by trying their foods, exploring their rituals, or reading food autobiographies, as well as by thinking about what you and others eat. Here are two examples:
“Climbing the Mango Trees” by Madhur Jaffrey
“Why Some Like it Hot” by Nabhan
I wonder if insights like those in these and many other books could help add depth to your lists of what is eaten.
How about “No-Guilt Food Log”? I think this is an awesome idea. I already track what DH eats on a spreadsheet every day so I can see how what he eats affects his blood sugar and know how to adjust his insulin dosages. I eat pretty much the same as he does, it’s easier than cooking two separate meals.
Yesterday, I had breakfast sausage, hash browns, and waffles, jelly beans, an orange, meatloaf, mashed potatoes w/herbs and butter, green beans w/butter and salt, and a low-carb fudge bar (these are actually pretty tasty, and DH can have a couple of them without spiking his blood sugar, which is good). DH didn’t have the jelly beans for lunch, he had a couple of turkey pot pies (I don’t care for pot pies and wasn’t in the mood for food, wanted jelly beans, so I had them).
I’m getting better at figuring out what I need to eat, and trying new things that I always thought I hated (some I still hate, some I like now). It’s an on-going process, but I’m enjoying it, and finally enjoying meals for their taste and not for whether they’ll make me fatter.
You know, I had a thought a few months ago to take a picture of everything I eat, to have a non-judgey food log similar to this.
The first time I tried it I almost had a panic attack. I abandoned that project right quick.
So mostly I wanted to say that you’re rad for doing this! And that I desperately wish it were corn season now.
Chicken panang is made of awesome. It’s my test dish whenever I try a new Thai place.
Also, if you’re looking for recipes you can always come hang out on f_s. Tori and I won’t bite.
How about “I eat what I want because I can and I’m an adult”?
DDK, I hadn’t considered that aspect of portion sizes. I don’t know that my portion sizes would be useful, though, since it can be a highly personal and individual thing. I will have to think about it a lot. I know that when I was making the list, I definitely shied away from amounts (except for the Egg McMuffin) because it made it feel to much like a diet log, too much like being back on Weight Watchers. Giving myself permission to eat as much as I want was a really hard thing for me. I do wonder if I can find some sort of happy medium that would help make this useful for you without totally freaking me out….
Panang is one of my favorite things ever in the whole world. It is a Thai red curry with coconut milk that just makes me swoon from the deliciousness. It is one of those meals that I eat to sate hunger as well as for the pure awesome of the pleasure of how good it tastes. Man, I love Thai food.
Mae, I will track down those titles, thank you for the suggestions.
Vesta, yay for jelly beans! And for sticking with the discovery process. It is awesome to find new tasty things to eat and not have them bogged down with shoulds and oughts.
Robotitron – A Livejournal friend of mine takes a picture of her dinner almost every night – just seeing the food, with no value attached, reinforces for me that food is a good and necessary thing. So I think you were very brave to try photodocumenting your food for this purpose! I admit, writing this list stirred up some weird guilt feelings, again related to how much and seemingly constantly I am eating, but I think this will help me get over that.
You know, I joined f_s when you first announced it and I have loved reading. The recipes are always so much more complicated than what I cook, so I have been a bit afraid to post anything. I will work on that.
Ha, NameChanged, I like it!
Ooh, I like the idea of this list
Thai red curry anything is good, but so is the potato and peanut curry–I never do remember the names of things.
It’s easter morning, so breakfast has been the candy the kids didn’t want out of their basket. Except for Peeps, none of us like peeps, too sweet. Jordan almonds and malted chocolate eggs mostly, with one thing of vanilla yan yans. Yan Yans are a plain stick cookie with sweet dipping icing–a Japanese thing my husband introduced to the kids.
You could call it your FLOG – a play off of blog, obviously, and it could stand for “fat lot of good” which I find ironic because I do think this is a really good idea…but there has already been a bit o’ friendly criticism about how you’re choosing to do it.
or fat list of goodies or food list of greatness…flog is an awesome word, come to think of it.
*oooh* I think I just sprained my shoulder patting myself on the back – I hate it when that happens.
Enjoy your day, I love your blog, *gush*
Anyone have cooking/foodie blogs they’d like to recommend? I love getting new ideas for things to make… I think that blogs by people who love food as food (whether they’re explicitly fat-positive or just don’t relate their food to weight) are really great
This is a cool project! I think it should be called The Shameless Food Log.
Rock on, TR!
Very cool.
how about Shameless Food Log?
Undaunted Food Log?
Food Log of the Bold & Undaunted?
I love this idea. I’m not sure about names. Food, glorious food?
I’m sad that i couldn’t find any Peeps this year. Hamilton appears to be Peepless.
off topic but what do u think of the new TLC show I can make u thin or how to be thin
I was wowed when they named a tv show that
Amoral Food Log?
I love “FLOG” but how about “Intuitive Eating Results Log, 03/22/2008″? I can see myself keeping such a log in a lab notebook or on engineering paper. Sounds science-y.
Great post and I think you are very brave to do this. I am totally projecting my own issues on you here, but please stop doing it if it becomes too difficult or stressful. This kind of thing can be such a minefield (I am thinking mainly of trolls). But maybe it won’t be an issue. Anyway, thanks again for a great post. Your posts are always very thought-provoking for me.
RE: comment#8. If this food log is about eating without shame what would freak you out about listing portion sizes? Why would you shy away from it? Isn’t that counter to the whole point?
There’s something here I’m not understanding and I don’t want to sound confrontational but I don’t know how else to say it. Maybe it’s because I think of you as a kind of Eating Without Shame Poster Girl! You’ll say what you ate, but you won’t say how much? I don’t understand the possible reasons for your reticence. Respectfully, thanks…
Abby, we actually just talked about that HERE! Yeah, the title is a killer.
Spacedcowgirl, I do like science! If I called it that, I would most DEFINITELY need some graph paper…. And thank YOU for reading and commenting and all of that stuff. This wouldn’t be much of a blog without that sort of awesome participation. I AM a little worried about trolls, honestly. I have been really lucky but, especially when I post pictures, I get a lot of comments you guys don’t ever see. 99% of them crack me up because they are so pathetic but every now and then one of them manages to sting a bit. This is going to be kind of an adventure.
DDK, I can’t count the years I spent dieting and even when I when I wasn’t actually dieting, my eating was really disordered in the restricted way. I definitely figured that the less I ate, the better off I was going to be. I actually passed out at a nighttime event because I hadn’t really eaten in three days – I was convinced I didn’t need the help but a park employee wheeled me to the car in a wheelchair and made me eat some potato chips. After that, though I didn’t notice it consciously at the time, my friends stepped in and really monitored my food to make sure I was getting enough.
When I’ve used food monitoring stuff in the past, it’s been a one-way ticket to restricting my eating. I don’t know why it’s so easy to fall back into that mindset, but there’s this voice that says if a cup of something is good, half a cup is better. Intuitive Eating has really helped to put me back in touch with my hunger cues, but I’ve been really all too good at ignoring them in the past.
Maybe I’m giving too much power to keeping track of portions – but I’m kind of afraid that if I starting listing that along with my food, I would start falling back into old bad habits without realizing it. Part of Intuitive Eating, for me, is recognizing what triggers that diet voice, you know?
There’s a large part of me that looks at that list and, even without portions, is FUCKING AMAZED at how much I ate yesterday. Not in a panicky way, which is good, but it does kind of make my eyes go wide – even rather recently I figured I was doing well to eat two meals a day!
So, I’m sort of feeling my through this and the process of it all and it’s stirring up some of my own fears. It’s kind of a relief to realize that I’m not feeling ashamed of how much I ate, but there’s some weird guilt, as I said, because I feel like I am constantly eating. I feel AWESOME lately with my increased intake, so shrugging off that guilt is task number one.
I think I can do a happy medium – estimations rather than specifics. It really WILL throw me back into old habits if I have to weigh and measure my food. But I can say I just drank a tall strawberries and creme Frappaccino with a bit of chocolate syrup in it and that I’m about to go eat another apple the size of my fist.
You know, I think that’s it exactly – it’s the weighing and measuring, not the amount itself that makes me start to feel like I need to start restricting. I’m so glad you asked about this so I could figure this out!
I don’t know if I’d make a very good poster girl. *grin* I definitely believe in Eating Without Shame and I am living it as best I can, but I still screw up from time to time.
Sounds like a great way to shake free of the whole hairshirt-wearing food journal thing. Mayhap you could team up with the folks who’ve been supporting each other in the same endeavor for a while now:
http://community.livejournal.com/incendiaryfood/
Follow-up:
GAK.
Apparently, Incendiary Food has wandered back into the diet zone. *sigh* It used to be so kickass:
http://community.livejournal.com/incendiaryfood/profile
Speaking of pictoral food logs there is a book I “read” last year that a young man in NY put out. He took a picture of everything he put in his mouth (food/drink wise) for a whole year. I wish I could remember the title.
It was very interesting and made me wish I lived in NY for all the awesome ethnic food and tasty sandwiches pictured.
I hope everyone had a delicious Easter/Spring repast. For dinner I had roast lamb, roasted new potatoes, roasted asparagus, spinach & strawberry salad, and homemade lemon meringue pie for dessert. Drink was a nice Syrah red wine.
I think flog would be awesome. I keep meaning to start blogging about my food (I LOVE cooking and good food and want to share) but hten I forget, for I am also a very distracted person.
WRT the portion size thing, to me, it would just be too hard. I mean, yes, I can say I ate 5 punes, or one bowl of sitr-dry and rice, but really, that is not much more info than saying I ate ’some prunes’ or ’stir-fry with rice’.
Really, unless everyone has the exact same bowls/prunes or you use measuring bowls or something, ‘a bowl’ could be anything from about 1 cup to about 3 (well, that’s how big variation is just in the bowls I eat from). And using measuring things is just WAY too much hassle, but then, I tend to cook very much by feel/eye and only measure things for dessert (usually am not even that accurate then) or if I know I used a full container of something.
You came up with the name yourself
“Eating Without Shame”
: )
Damn, I was also going to mention the Incendiary Food Log! I’m bummed it’s drifted so far from its original purpose.
When I was participating in it, I called mine the “fuck you food log”, ha.
I am so in favor of FLOG.
I like the results log idea. I’ve actually been keeping a food log for a consult with a nutritionist (so NOT a dieting thing, I’ve just been having some blood sugar issues of late that we’re trying to straighten out) I’ve found it helpful to revisit each item 30 minutes later and record whether it was satisfying, and whether I felt any hyper/hypoglycemic symptoms, etc.
I think I’m going to start calling mine an eating results log. It sounds more like a positive health step, which is my intent, and less like a diet thing.
Why not call it, “Just Food (no baggage)”?
Re: #22. I understand what you’re saying about slipping back into old habits. First of all let me say in no way was I expecting grams and ounces, a general approximation is certainly fine for anybody’s purposes, yours included I hope. I realize that, for me, portions is THE obstacle I need to conquer in developing a sense of intuitive eating. I WANT to release the idea of “good” foods and “bad” foods and find a place where I am properly nourishing my body without a sense of deprivation but still keep from crossing over into abusing food like a controlled substance. It IS a two-edged sword that as soon as I start focusing what seems like too much attention on what I’m eating to be mindful of those portions, well then I’m not really eating intuitively, am I?
It is a dilemma I am trying to sort out! I have abused food in the past and now I want to be able to intuitively sense and tell myself how much is ENOUGH and feel at peace with it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my comments.
I love whatever you write and was happy to read about your plans.
It is also topical for me because, like a previous poster, I have thought of starting a pictorial food blog to capture my daily eatings. It would also possibly capture my struggles with restricting/binging and emotional difficulties with eating what I want. It is realness of food and eating I was wanting to show, the struggling with the balance of choosing food in an intuitive way yet being kind to my body with its foibles and food sensitivities. Anyway, I have decided it is not the best thing for me to do right now.
I do read ALOT of food blogs kept by individuals and there is ALOT of food judgement and good/bad food mentality going on. If I stay away from the comments I am usually fine. Funnily enough though, many of the readers and commenters of these blogs are eating disorded and understand the concept of intuitive eating. They are just coming at it from a different perspective.
I like physically seeing the amounts and types of food others’ are eating and it has helped me realise just how messed up my eating is still. Obviously 3 years of recovery and intuitive eating are only seeing me at the beginning still but everytime I give myself permission to eat what I want is a win.
I still have so many questions, comments, ideas and stories about the journey from disordered to natural eating and I am so looking forward to seeing what you decide to do with this.
how about: Food Without Baggage- ?
In terms of name, how about Flog?
The “f” comes from “food” and it’s a log… there’s a kind of “tee hee S&M” thing going on which you might or might not want to exploit.
Ok just saw I’m redundant… count me as a vote for “flog”?
Also I *heart* your blog
I prefer “Food Without Baggage”.
Flogging, I like that. I blog and I vlog (video blogging), I guess my cooking blog can be considered a flog since I’ve been know to wax poetic about food and cooking
Of course I usually don’t measure anything or keep track of how many or how much, just how much I enjoyed it 
Try taking photographs of food you love to eat. It will reinforce your feelings of good self-care.
For some reason I’m obsessed with photographing vegetables in sunlight. Bizarre but true.
“Food and Movement” gave me the idea that you were about to talk about bowel movements, thanks for proving me wrong!
One Trackback
[...] as part of the Intuitive Eating process. That freaks me out. But The Rotund’s recent “flogging” has put that journaling thought once again in my [...]