There were a few questions I meant to answer, issues I meant to address, and our good friend the flu swatted them right out of my head. So consider this a continuation of the Primer, please!
How can I crave foods I’ve never tried before?/What about variety?
This is SUCH a good question and I am so glad it came up in the original comments. Definitely read them for some excellent feedback. The short and easy answer is this: You try new things. I try them when they are there – or when I am trying a new recipe or whenever I am feeling adventurous. Some people are far more adventurous than others and either end of the spectrum (and, of course, everything in the middle) is okay. You probably aren’t going to crave something you’ve never tried, but since not every meal is going to answer a specific “I want this plus this plus this” formula, you have a lot of room to work.
Will Intuitive Eating help me lose weight?
Intuitive Eating is the opposite of dieting. So, you know, you might. Also, you might not. In addition, you might fluctuate within a natural weight range for you.
The point is, Intuitive Eating isn’t meant to affect your weight in a deliberate way. You can SAY you are eating intuitively with the intention of losing weight but, frankly, I’m not sure how given the radical philosophical disconnect there. But, you know, whatev. I am not the Intuitive Eating Police!
Kate had a fantastic analogy here and I am going to steal it. Eating Intuitively for the purpose of losing weight is like becoming a Buddhist (and supposedly letting go of attachments) so that more things will come to you.
How am I supposed to afford this?
My grocery bill has gone down since I’ve started Intuitive Eating. I don’t waste money on food I’m not going to eat. I spend less on eating out. I don’t overbuy in the hopes that OMG SOMETHING will appeal to me at some point.
I just go to the grocery store a lot more often.
However, for the poor and the very poor, eating intuitively can be nigh unto inaccessible. I don’t think this is a failure of the concept of Intuitive Eating. It’s a failure of, you know, our socio-economic paradigm to see that a variety of fresh and, I’ll even say, healthy foods are available to everyone. If you don’t have a grocery store in your neighborhood, whether or not you can afford an avocado is kind of even beside the point. You don’t have access.
And that pisses me off no end. Because disordered eating knows no socio-economic boundaries but one of the best ways around it does.
I think there are probably ways to incorporate Intuitive Eating into a VERY restricted budget, but I’m damn sure they’d be difficult and I don’t quite know where to begin with suggestions. If you have suggestions, I would love to hear them and compile them as a resource.
How am I supposed to do this with a partner/family/kids?
Do you eat every single morsel of food that you have in a day in tandem with someone else?
If yes, it might be a little difficult but through the magic of compromise and thinking about food in new ways, this can be worked out.
If no, it might still be a little difficult but through the magic of compromise and thinking about food in new ways, this can be worked out.
*grin*
See, as I’ve said before, not every meal is going to be a revelation. I got the most seriously amazing email that made me cry (and want to try sauteed mushrooms over sliced avocado) about a perfect meal and THAT is the kind of moment that is shining and amazing and a treasure. (THANK YOU for that email – you have no idea how good it made me feel to read it after a nearly impossible day.)
But that isn’t going to be every single meal. Sometimes, you are just going to feel like “crunchy” or “meaty sauce” or “hot” or “eaten with my fingers” or any number of other vague things. Somewhere in there you will find something that will satisfy both you and your partner.
And sometimes you just compromise. If my partner is seriously wanting a certain thing, I am pretty down with having that thing. If I REALLY don’t want it, we’ll figure something out. Which sometimes means he’ll make something for him and I’ll make something for me, but usually means we find something that will satisfy his craving and work for me as well. The same is true in reverse. We work together to find food that will work for both of us, even if that means I just have fruit and he has fruit and cheese and sausage.
This works even better when we eat in – this is one reason my grocery bill has actually gone down! Because we are both capable adults who can make food choices and prepare a meal for ourselves. When we cook together, even if we are making different foods, it is even better – we get to spend time together.
It’s more complicated with kids. I mean, obviously no one wants to prepare four different meals. But, at the same time, you want to teach your kids to eat intuitively. I think this means teaching them to be aware of and honor their hunger. It means not telling your kid s/he is REALLY thirsty when they say they are hungry. It means providing them with some choices when it comes time for a snack. It means not passing on the Good Food/Bad Food baggage to them. It means, if your child wants nothing but raisins for a week and you have a week’s supply of raisins, letting them see what happens when you eat nothing but raisins for a week (I can speak from my own childhood experience – nothing good). It means trusting them when they tell you about their food experiences.
This is getting long, but here’s a quick example: I have never successfully eaten those little round English peas. I don’t know that I’m allergic to them but I do know that every time I have been forced to eat them, I have subsequently projectile vomited in disgust and rejection of those little wretched vile peas. And yet, though I am now 30 years old, my mother still serves them to me and acts surprised when I decline them. She likes them, I am her child, ergo I must like them.
Except NOT!
Introduce your kid(s) to lots of different foods. Don’t bog them down with Good Food/Bad Food guilt and pressure when teaching them about healthful eating (which is all too often disordered eating in disguise in our society). Respect their hunger. Respect that their hunger is different from your own. That is how you will teach them to eat intuitively.
What if I just don’t stop eating?
This is a tough one to answer. It could be a lot of different things and I’m not sure I’m qualified to make that diagnosis for you.
It could be that you are just afraid you won’t stop eating. Maybe you commit to Intuitive Eating and you try to eat the world for a month and you realize, you can’t eat the whole world and that’s okay and the world will always be here when you are hungry for more, and you stop trying to eat the world.
It could be that you have an actual issue with feeling sated, in which case Intuitive Eating plus some counseling/therapy/medical intervention might be a necessary thing.
It could be that you are just so used to the cycle of deprivation and relapse that is present in most people’s dieting history that you are unfamiliar with the feeling of being sated and it will just take you a little while to learn it.
It could be some other things that I have not even imagined. I just know that you can’t use your disordered eating experience as a true baseline for judging how you and your body will respond to Intuitive Eating. Which is hard.
Why is this so hard?
Because it means we have to take a lot of personal responsibility for our food. Because we are so disconnected from our own hunger and hunger signals. Because it takes time and energy and effort to procure and prepare foods – even though we HAVE to eat, we can still be resentful of the process and/or not feel deserving of that much time, energy, and effort. Because it takes creativity and compromise to eat intuitively with more people. Because of the way our cultures have raised us to related (or not) with food. Because it is doing something good for ourselves when we are already stereotyped as fat and selfish. Because it means we actually might enjoy our food when we are already stereotyped as fat and gluttonous. Because of all sorts of things.
But it is better than the alternative.
***
Finally, on a quick personal note – I have been horrible about replying to comments and personal email and I am totally sorry. The flu, the job hunt, the general malaise…. And yesterday I started a new job (it’s just a 5-week contract at the moment but might evolve into more or at least longer) which pretty much cuts me off from the internet from 7am to whenever I get home at night. That might change a little bit, but given the volume of work to be done, I’ll be VERY limited during the daytime. I apologize. I’ll still be here in the evening, as much as I can.
24 Comments
I fall into the very restricted budget. I’ve yet to figure out how it all works. There are certain food stuffs we deem as staples. Not having them really limits our food options but we’ve also discovered a few meals that are pretty filling and also make quite a few servings (mostly involving rice and canned items). It’s hard to intuitive eat when you can barely (or not at all) afford one $90 grocery bill. I would definitely like to know about any suggestions anyone else has!
For eating with a partner, I don’t find intuitive eating that tough. I tend to make the meals, and so I usually get to eat what I want. If I’m really just feeling contrary, I’ll make my husband fend for himself until I can figure out what it is I really want to eat.
I imagine it would be harder with children, but one thing that could potentially work is providing meals that are sort of a buffet of a variety of things, instead of say, just a casserole and salad. That way, if you don’t like one of the seven dishes set out, you still have 6 to pick from. For instance, you could put out a green salad, taco shells, and 5 different taco fixins and let the kids decide what they want on their taco. Or they don’t have to eat the taco. They can put meat and cheese on salad greens instead. The same can be made with other make-your-own meals like sub sandwiches and so on.
Re: intuitive eating on a budget. It’s harder but it CAN be done. You might not be able to afford JUST what you want, but you may be able to substitute things with a similar taste or texture that will still satisfy you. Sometimes, I’m not specifically craving, say, Haagendaaz ice cream- I just know I want something soft and sweet, and maybe store brand pudding will do the trick. Or maybe I think I really want Cool Ranch Doritos, but something else salty and crunchy that I do have at home for cheaper will satisfy.
Just as an example of how this can work with a partner… The other day Dan said something about picking up burritos on my way home from drawing class, and I was kind of excited about that and kind of disappointed when I called home to find he was making black bean soup. I was really, REALLY into the idea of a chicken burrito. So finally I just said “maybe this is weird, but can we put chicken in it?” And he said “sure, I don’t see why not.” So then I wasn’t disappointed about not having a burrito anymore.
Then yesterday we were trying to think of what to eat and he said “are you still on that protein kick? Because I could make pasta with meat sauce and asparagus.” And I said “hmm, I sure have been going ‘mmm hamburger’ every time I smell hamburger, so yes, I think I do want meat.” Voila.
I think there’s a perception that intuitive eating means knowing precisely what you want to eat at any given moment and then eating it, which it doesn’t. It means having a sense of what you need to get from your food, and being willing, within reason, to get it.
One important question I think is “what happens if I’m craving something I can’t get or can’t eat?” For instance, my burger thing recently… I very rarely eat red meat and a whole burger would almost certainly make me sick. I don’t really want to eat a burger per se. So I take my fiending after burgers as an indicator of what I need, and I find a way to get protein and iron from other sources. Or if you’re dying for a grapefruit but it’s lunchtime and you’re at work and you only have access to a deli, you pick up a thing of orange juice. Your body isn’t always going to beat you over the head with exactly what type of food it wants, and even if it does you can’t always oblige — what’s important is to be able to understand what physical cues mean, including hunger and satiety cues as well as cravings.
I just started trying this a month or so ago, and for the fear of not being able to stop eating, let me add my experience.
I did overeat at first, especially the “forbidden” foods (which for me means cookies and chocolate). Oh, the first few weeks, I would eat so much junk.
I told myself that there are no “good foods” and “bad foods” and I can eat what I feel like. And I felt like chocolate so I ate it. And I felt awful in the midafternoons and said “why did I eat so much chocolate right after lunch” and after a few times of that I told myself that intuitive eating means recognizing that I feel bad when I do that and trying to learn.
I got sick to my stomach from overeating and told myself to learn. It took awhile but the last few weeks I feel hungry, I ask myself what I want, I think about it and the answer is no longer just “chocolate!” but “hm, maybe a handful of walnuts and some of those strawberries I just got” or “some celery with port wine cheese spread on it” or “homemade guacamole” (which has been a big favorite this week).
I still eat chocolate but now that I have got it into my head that I can have chocolate every time I want, I noticed I’m starting to feel less like I need a whole bowl of m and ms and more like, okay, here’s a small handful of m and ms but boy, does that guacamole sound good right now.
I’m still learning but I do see that if I stick with it, my desires for food are getting better about keeping me feeling good (not overstuffed and not sick with too many sweets or overly tired from the sugar) and still honoring when I really do want some m and ms. Because chocolate is good and not forbidden, but it is not the only thing I want to eat anymore.
I have a hard time imagining what intuitive eating would look like for me. I’m a lapsed vegetarian who still eats no red meat, but I often really want roast beef, steak, or a hamburger. I didn’t go vegetarian because I hated meat, but because I love animals. Unfortunately I don’t have the willpower to not eat chicken or fish anymore.
If I deny myself meat, I don’t see how I can do the intuitive eating thing, because when I’m going, “Hey stomach, what do you want?” and it goes, “I want meat! Meaty meat meat!” and I go, “well, you can’t have meat!” that’s not intuitive eating.
Also, I’ve heard that people can alter their tastes. For example, I love salt. I put it on everything I can. Mmm, salt. However, some folks I know have stopped putting salt in stuff, and they say they’ve gotten used to it and don’t miss it anymore. How does that sort of thing fit in with intuitive eating.
Eve,
I don’t know what therotund is going to say, but Intuitive eating isn’t just eating whatever your stomach says to eat. It’s also paying attention to how your body feels when you feed it a certain way. So, it’s possible that if you listen to your body, it’ll tell you it doesn’t like so much salt. You can gently suggest to your body an experiment that you try eating less salt for a week and see how it goes. That fits in fine with Intuitive Eating.
As for the vegetarian thing- I started out not eating meat for ethical reasons, but I really don’t crave it now, so it’s hard to know what to say about that. But again, listen to how your body feels after you eat chicken and fish. If you feel good eating that way, maybe you could salve your conscious by eating free range chicken and being socially conscious about where you buy your chicken and fish.
Good luck!
Eve, that’s honestly the reason why I’m NOT a vegetarian anymore. And I feel guilty about it sometimes, but it jus felt like in the end it was tying into the old eating disordered mindset just too much to be sustainable for me at this time. Which is, of course, not to say that’s the answer for anyone else, just that I understand the dilemma. (My personal compromise is to try to eat meat only when I really feel like I need it for one reason or another and to try to buy from humanely treated sources when I can. But again, that’s just me).
You’re most welcome. Big hug on you, you fabulous woman. Let’s here it for upward spirals of happiness!
Oh, and definitely try the sauteed mushrooms over sliced avocado. It’s sublime and swoony!
I suspect that if I were to start eating meat I’d be all about meat for a little while and then I’d get like I am with chicken. With chicken I sometimes want it but more often couldn’t choke it down. When I first started eating it I could eat seven pieces of tandoori chicken in one sitting, at the Indian buffet. Now I don’t even like it much at all.
Re: Intuitive eating with kids, assuming the kids are of semi-reasonable age (i.e., able to articulate what they want and don’t want), I would think that one approach would be to consult the kids in question when preparing meals, “Okay, guys, who wants to choose the veggies for supper tonight?” or “What do you feel like eating for lunch?” sometimes you’ll get requests you can’t honour, because sometimes you’re just plain out of parsnips, or whatever. And you and your kids may have to negotiate.
Take this with a grain of salt, or your seasoning of choice, of course. My experience of eating with kids comes mostly from cooking and eating with my boyfriend’s 4-year-old, who is mostly pretty good about telling us what he wants, and eating what we make. Sometimes he has no opinion, until we’ve put something in front of him, and he tries it and doesn’t like it. Sometimes he’s not hungry at all, and that’s okay. Sometimes he wants to fill up on tortillas, and that’s okay too. So we give him small portions of things, and if he wants more, he can have it, and if he doesn’t like something we don’t make him eat it.
Weirdly enough, he doesn’t seem to want only peanut butter sandwiches or cookies. He’s often quite happy to eat sensible, healthy food, as long as we don’t make it too spicy, or try to force him to eat things he knows he doesn’t like (such as cooked tomatoes).
Apologies for double-posting, but I also have thoughts about intuitive eating while vegetarian.
The first is that much of what the body craves in meat can be fats, protein, certain nutrients, such as iron, or the salt we associate with certain meats, such as fried chicken, bacon, or ham. It’s worth listening quietly to your body to see whether you’re craving something about meat, or meat, specifically.
It’s also worth asking yourself how important your vegetarianism/veganism is to you. Will you still be happy with your ability to eat ethically if you, for example, curb your meat intake, eat meat or fish that are farmed humanely and with environmental sensitivity? Will you feel okay with yourself if you compromise your vegetarian principles to feed your body’s needs, or will deferring to this intuition affect your self-esteem in a negative way. This equation is different for everyone, as are the meat cravings—I rarely feel them at all, but every now and again, like once every couple of years, especially when someone’s cooking bacon, I want bacon. Every once in about four blue moons, I want fish-&-chips. Sometimes, veggie substitutes will address that craving: I’ll get my salt-and-fat fix from facon, or go have crispy soy fritters and fries, and that’ll do. Sometimes that won’t do, and I’ll either cheat on my vegetarianism, and get sick the next day, or decide that getting sick just isn’t worth it, and make do.
I suspect that if I had a more difficult time with cravings, I’d have to look at my diet to see whether it was meeting my nutrition needs, including my body’s needs for protein, iron, salt, and fat (those things it gets largely from meat and dairy). Not everyone can be a happy vegetarian. As it is, I’ve found that for the most part, I get what I need without compromising my vegetarianism beyond what I can live with.
I was vegetarian for a long time. I retrained many of my cravings during that time. When I craved beef before my period, I would eat spinach instead. Slowly, my body got to where I would crave spinach instead of beef. It is possible. You just have to figure out what you are craving.
And that is the problem: figuring out exactly what your body needs. Beef is high in protien, zinc, and iron as well as amino acids. I again started craving beef and found that I needed l-carnitine. Unfortunately, because of a thyroid disease, I needed very high quantities of the stuff, and I couldn’t absorb enough from the supplements. I had to go back to eating beef because of it.
So, if you don’t want to quit being vegetarian or you find yourself craving a food you are allergic to, or you can’t get something you are craving — maybe go look up the nutritional value and see what it is high in. Then try other foods that are high in that same items.
On another note, (I kind of said this in the last post, but it bears repeating): strange cravings, repetitive cravings (especially very strong ones), wanting to eat too much for a looong time or not wanting to eat for a long time CAN be indicative of something wrong with your body (not always, but sometimes). I’ve learned to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me.
Also, if you do have some kind of long-term illness, be aware of what it does to your body. You may find that many of your cravings are caused by the illness and need to be met a certain way (like supplements).
“Kate had a fantastic analogy here and I am going to steal it. Eating Intuitively for the purpose of losing weight is like becoming a Buddhist (and supposedly letting go of attachments) so that more things will come to you.”
The Tao of Steve lol. Great post by the way.
This is a fantastic post. I don’t have anything to add except that toast w/ sauteed mushrooms and avocado is a crazy delicious breakfast.
One thing I do insist upon with my kids is that they must taste a bite of something new, they can’t just turn it down in favor of the familiar. I know it’s a bit of force, but there’s been a lot of times when they’ve discovered they like the new thing. I consider it a bit like insisting they try riding a bike, even if it’s a bit scary.
If they try it and don’t like it, then they don’t have to eat it.
I also ask for commentary on the food, what would improve it, what changes would they make. This isn’t really part of intuitive eating, as I did it before I ever heard of intuitive eating–I was trying to get them more involved with food and thinking about cooking. But it also keeps me in touch with what they like and don’t like.
Question about part three: I eat in a particular way to minimize what goes bad (for instance, I always end up eating my produce long before I run out of dry goods and typically don’t go to the store to get more perishibles until all my perishibles are gone or until I have nothing left to eat) and to cut down on shopping trips because every place to go is so far out. How can intuitive eating be done when these are concerns I have?
I ate 1lb of roasted parsnips the other day, I suppose that should count for something – well, that and baked chicken tenders… mmmmmmm was supposed to save some for the bf, but I ate-ed them all.
Today, I had a craving for nuts and ate too many of them. Soon after eating them, I started having a headache and belly ache. The headache passed in a hour or two, but I still have a belly ache. Intuitive eating occasionally leads to upset stomachs. I should have known better since I tend to be sensitive to high level of fat.
That was the main reason that I became vegetarian is my sensitivity to fat. It was too much work to make sure the meat I ate was lean enough that it didn’t make me sick so I decided that I didn’t need to eat it after reading a number of health oriented book on plant based diets. I haven’t craved meat since the day I started being vegetarian. I can’t imagine ever wanting to eat animal flesh again.
I think intuitive eating works with vegans and vegetarians as well as people with food allergies.
“I just go to the grocery store a lot more often.”
How do you go to the grocery store? Walk or drive?
If drive, I’m having some deep concerns about the environmental impact of this way of eating. Mind you, I have some concerns about this way of eating from an environmental pov anyway – what if what you’re craving has been shipped from half-way around the world? What if it’s been made by slave children in the Ivory Coast? What if it’s totally out of season and has been stored for six months in cold storage, or flown in from the tropics?
There’s more to food than just what you feel like or what your body is wanting – the vegetarian posters have touched on this, saying if you want something that’s outside your ethical eating beliefs (i.e. meat if you’re veggie), look at the nutritional content and substitute. I’d say you need to look at what’s locally produced and in season and substitute as well.
Your food choices are not just about you – they’re about the sort of industry and the sorts of practices you’re supporting with your purchases. I’ll eat chocolate, but I won’t eat chocolate produced by child slaves in the Ivory Coast – Cadbury and Nestle both use cocoa produced using child slavery (link: http://www.american.edu/TED/chocolate-slave.htm) I’ll eat avocado – when it’s in season locally, but not shipped vast distances. There’s more at stake than just your own appetite and health. We can’t afford not to think about the environmental impact of the way we eat (including how often we drive to the grocery store, or in my case, walk to the market!) and the carbon costs of producing and transporting what we eat. And I’d argue that it’s ethically inexcusable to buy any product that supports companies that use child slaves.
Rebekka, whether or not I eat intuitively, I doubt you would approve of my food choices.
Intuitive Eating can be just as ethical as the person eating. As other people have mentioned, you find ways to make it work for you if you are a vegetarian and you find ways to make it work for you if you are commited to buying locally.
I actually do buy locally grown stuff when possible. If I were making a once-a-week trip to the grocery store? I’d be much LESS inclined to do that because there are very few resources for that sort of thing open when I get to do my bulk shopping.
The unfortunate truth of being a human living in this world is that it is nearly impossible to lead a completely impactless life. There aren’t any local weavers from whom I can purchase material with which to make my own damn clothes, you know? One compromises because one has to live.
“The unfortunate truth of being a human living in this world is that it is nearly impossible to lead a completely impactless life. There aren’t any local weavers from whom I can purchase material with which to make my own damn clothes, you know? One compromises because one has to live.”
But nor is it okay to think it’s all too hard and give up. You might not have any local weavers, but you can choose to buy second-hand clothes, or buy less clothes so you’re having less impact, or buy only clothes made locally, or from natural fibres, or whatever you work out is the most practical but eco-friendly option for you. Abdicating all responsibility for the effect your choices have on the environment is not the answer just because you can’t have zero impact.
Yes, one compromises, but in my experience the need for compromise is not as big as you’re making out. And you can have very little impact if you make the effort – something which I firmly believe everyone in the industrialised west has a moral obligation to do.
Rebekka, I’m not the one who dismissed Intuitive Eating, wholesale, as unethical without any mention of compromise. So if you think I’m not presenting ENOUGH compromises when it comes to clothing, that is solely in response to your complete lack of when it comes to I.E.
For the record, I don’t buy many clothes, I make many of my own, I try to buy from ethical companies, and I get a lot of stuff second hand. Just as I try to buy, in order of preference: local organic, local, organic, the best option left.
Intuitive Eating does not automatically mean Enemy of the Planet, which is very much how your comment was coming across.
I’m sorry if that was how it was coming across – that’s certainly not what I meant. I was questioning how environmentally friendly it was, sure, but I was *not* dismissing it out of hand as unethical. If you’re choosing to eat ethically within that framework, I have no problem at all with the idea.
But if you’re driving to the grocery store in a whole lot of separate trips every time something takes your fancy, that I have a problem with. And if you’re not giving any consideration to where your food comes from, that I have a problem with.
Reading back through archives after finding your web site.
Thank you for this post.
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