You know what felt great last night?
Not having any ice cream.
My husband and I went out to dinner with some friends. We went to this Mongolian BBQ, buffet type of place and I GREATLY enjoyed my plateful of noodles and beef and broccoli and whatnot. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I went back and had some more and totally ignored the buffet. The chef tried to chat me up, which was both awkward and funny, and I got myself a second small plate of food.
Which I totally couldn’t finish even though it was OMG good. I left the restaurant knowing that I was full and that if I ate any more I would be mega uncomfortable.
Which is when the friends and the husband decided to go get ice cream at Marble Slab.
I totally love Marble Slab. Amaretto ice cream with raspberries mixed up in it in a white chocolate waffle cone. DIVINE. And I seriously thought about ordering it. Because it is DELICIOUS and because it was part of a social ritual.
But it isn’t going anywhere. That Marble Slab keeps funky hours sometimes but it isn’t going to disappear. There is always more.
So I sat there and digested my wonderful dinner and enjoyed the company of people I love and didn’t give in to the social ritual of food for the sake of food. It felt really good – literally, because I wasn’t stuffed and uncomfortable.
Ice cream doesn’t have moral value. There is always going to be more. And I can go get it anytime I want it instead of eating it whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m not afraid of devouring the world, which is why I went back for seconds, but when I’m not hungry enough to eat the whole world? Well, that’s okay, too.
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There is always going to be more.
This is so one of the hardest things for me to learn. The other night, we ordered a spinach stuffed pizza, my favorite kind ever — which I don’t get very often, because Al doesn’t like it that much, and I like thin crust fine, so I usually don’t whine about wanting the stuffed. But the other night, I whined and got it. And there were two pieces left over once we were both full. (From a small pizza, I might add. Oh, the fatties and their appetites!)
I meant to put the leftovers in the fridge and have them for lunch, but I got distracted and forgot. Woke up the next morning, saw the pizza still on the counter, and freaked the hell out. “THAT WAS GOING TO BE MY LUNCH! AND IT’S RUINED!”
Al, bless his heart, literally grabbed hold of me and said, “Honey, there is more pizza in the world. If you want spinach stuffed pizza for lunch, you can go right back to Giordano’s and order another one.”
As it turned out, I didn’t bother. But I actually needed someone else to remind me that the pizza place that came from is a block from my apartment, and they have more, and I am allowed to go get spinach stuffed pizza any damn time I want it. Ugh.
TR! My dalring you have returned! I’ve waited and longed so for your return!
I use to check your blog ever day for an update by the chance the Fat-o-sphere had not been updated correctly. I gave up on checking a little bit while I was on vacation in Iowa this last week… But, I’m just so happy your back! I enjoy your brain so much
Now I shall go engross my self in your meanderings!
….I sound like a stalker! lol…. yeah later I’m gonna go start building a TR alter out of chewing up and bananas… I keep in my closet…. creeeepy
And now a real comment… ah yes one relative to this entry…..
I have the worst problem with this! I love the social circle of food… My Dad and Step Mom took me to Marie Calenders for dinner last night and I really could have just ordered the salad/soup bar and been just fine… but because they ordered full Entre’s I did too… and thus consumed half a HUGE meat loaf sandwich and salad bar and then a peice of delicious lemon cream cheese pie…. I felt like such a glutton and horribly unconfortable.
I only ate that much in order to match what they ate…. ahhh the socialness of food…
Oh how I love salad bars!
That feeling is the best feeling ever. “I have eaten enough that I am totally sated, and it tasted good and was a wonderful eating experience, and if I have one more bite I will tip over into ‘uncomfortable’ so I am going to stop now.” I love that feeling. Unfortunately I often do take that one more bite and end up regretting it when I have tummyache.
I am always surprised by how HAES and the very gentle sort of approach I take to it has improved my life in unexpected ways.
I would never go so far as to say I was a disordered eater, but I would often eat too much. When I was younger, and experiencing some severe growth spurts, I needed a lot more calories than I do now. It was hard to train myself not to overeat after needing all that extra energy.
Nowadays, listening to my body, and trying to focus on the now instead of the panicked future where *ALL FOOD DISAPPEARS FOREVER* that I seemed to think was always imminent has improved my life on a nearly daily basis.
Who knew that accepting my fat would also mean accepting my much smaller appetite? The naysayers would lose their shit, I think. ^^
Great point by Mickie — “the socialness of food” and how we often get what others get, not what we want. We often don’t notice the social influences we operate under. Just noticing them, can free us up to decide — no ice cream tonight!
Then again there is monetary AND social pressure when everyone orders $15 entrees and you get an $8 salad and at the end the bill is split evenly amongst all in the party. It is hard not to follow the group.
It’s taken me about a decade to come to the realization that there is more food in the world, and that if I don’t eat it RIGHT NOW that’s ok, there’ll be food later. If I don’t eat cookies RIGHT NOW, that’s ok, I can have some later. And even if someone eats those cookies, you know what? I can have other cookies. Or pizza. Or ice cream. Or chicken soup. Whatever.
I have no idea where I picked up this OH NOES FOOD VANISHES FOREVER THE SECOND IT’S OUT OF MY SIGHT thing, but I’m so glad I’m not alone with it.
I think, Brigid, it comes from the whole idea of Good Food and Bad Food and repeated commitments to eat only Good Food so that we can be thin. Diets are about privation and it’s no wonder we’re afraid, when presented with food that is Bad Food, that it will disappear forever.
You are SO not alone in this.
I can’t tell you how much I love entries like this. And yet, I feel so sad to know that the world has made something so simple as Eating Until I’m Satisfied such a difficult concept. I, too, consider it a victory every time I can just eat what I want, period.
And Giordano’s spinach stuffed pizza – thanks to Kate for reminding me that it is, in fact, AWESOME…:)
There’s really no way to say that enough, I don’t think. It was a revelation to me the first time I read about it, and I still have trouble with it. Sometimes I can bring the thought up and go with it, sometimes it never enters my mind, and occasionally I still can’t help it even though I can stare at it and think yes, it will be there tomorrow, there is not a food shortage in my world. It’s a hard meme to internalize, but oh so important especially to those of us who have developed disordered eating. I’m trying to impart it to my kids, too; not having ’super happy special treats” that don’t exist at other times and all. I think it’s working better on them than on me, as I’ve seen them refuse dessert or treats many times because they’re full already. I only hope I can keep that up with them and make it more consistent for me. It will not disappear from the world forever if I do not eat it now. The opportunity will come again. Such a simple thought, so difficult to master.
I guess I haven’t gotten there yet. I stopped banning foods for myself a long time ago, but never have I gotten over the fear of starvation that was instilled in me by an undernourished childhood. There was food, but it was horrid, dry, flavorless, and my entire family had such bizarre food issues, I still can’t really take it or leave it. I can’t really realize that there is more. Last time I visited my parents I brought an entire suitcase full of food – I never even opened it, but I didn’t feel safe without it. And you know, I’m not even going to go into how they made me feel unsafe yet again and cared nothing for my children’s hunger, because they’re not in my life now. But the food issues still are. I have long since accepted my fat and I enjoy my food, but this one is really really tough. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who finds it difficult to master.
I’m still learning.
Actually, I wrote an article a few years ago about the fact that sometimes I find something so wonderful and it truly DOES disappear from the earth. There are several wonderful tastes that I will never have again because the only places on earth that had them are defunct. You know, sometimes I was really glad that I ate more than my fill before the place was gone forever. I am not uncomfortable with this though lol. I say I’m glad I got while the getting was good. But that makes it harder to realize about other things that really will be there tomorrow and for many years to come.
“There is always going to be more. And I can go get it anytime I want it instead of eating it whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m not afraid of devouring the world, which is why I went back for seconds, but when I’m not hungry enough to eat the whole world? Well, that’s okay, too.”
This sounds a lot like the work I’m doing with Abundance…I’m learning that there will always be more in many areas of my life.
Good stuff, girl!
A reasonable point that shouldn’t be overlooked: the evolutionary reasons why you want to eat everything NOW, and gorge yourself at the moment with whatever food is in front of you. If the caveman brought hiw lovely cavewoman wife home some fresh food (dinosaur, birds, etc), that may well be the last food that they were going to get for … who knows how long? So eat it all, even if you are so uncomfortably stuffed, because you may not get, not only this particular food, but ANY food for a while. So, the trouble with ‘food vanishing the second it’s out of my sight’ is really a legitamate feeling, passed down to us evolutionarily. Don’t feel so bad about it, it’s human nature! At the same time, realize that now, you actually can get some more food down the block. Just a thought, some scientific ammunition against people berrating you for your presumed ‘lack of willpower’!
I don’t so much lack will power as won’t power — tee hee:) But you know — every time I feel bad about myself (specifically weight) I stop and I feel grateful not to be starving in some third-world country on the dirt while there is so much abundance here where I am.
Besides, I think life is short, (ditto “thin people die too”) and pleasures few – and darn it – I’m tired of being criticised FOR HOW I CARRY MY NUTRITION!!!!