There was an email to a list of which I am a member and the author of the email was working with the theory that fat is a barrier to exercise.
Fat is not a barrier to exercise. The social institution of fat hatred is.
Exercise, particularly in the formal setting of a gym-type situation, is an exercise (if you’ll forgive the pun) in being aware of other people’s perceptions and interpretations of your body. There are often stares and whispers. There are also the uncomfortable and considered-to-be-unattractive side effects of exercise such as heightened color and sweat. To a person who has already internalized the message – read to us on infinite loop since we first entered a state of fatness – that their fat body is unacceptable and is something of which to be ashamed, the prospect of submitting that body to the viewership of others is, of many people, intolerable.
When someone hates their own body, because that is what they have been taught, the assumption that other people will hate it as well is automatic.
In the States, there is a women-only fitness club called Curves. It is a fat-friendly, women-only space and the franchise has taken off incredibly. Because fat itself, though I will not speak to 100% of cases I will say in the vast majority of times, is no barrier to exercise.
Sedentary habits, gained while avoiding anything that will make you an object of ridicule can be difficult to overcome but even thin people have to deal with that. Because there are just as many out-of-shape thin people as there are fat people.
There is also the thought, because you spend so much time hating your body as a non-fat-accepting fat person, that many women – and perhaps men as well – work to mentally divorce themselves from their bodies. This means any sort of body-conscious activity in which you have to pay attention to how your body moves, its position, and how it feels from moment to moment is a terrifying reminder of everything of which they are ashamed.
Maybe this is more semantics – I am a hair-splitter, this much is true. But I think blaming fat and calling it a barrier to exercise obscures the real issue, which is, of course, the fat-hatred that is so rampant in our society.
This is why Fat Acceptance must be both a political AND a personal movement. Because fat people need to be seen in these devoted-to-exercise places and we can only be visible like that when individuals feel comfortable going there. We have to work this from both angles!
See, this is another reason fat bodies are political whether or not you as an individual really want them to be. Because a fat person in a gym is making a statement, a socio-political statement. And it is AWESOME.
And, you know, if you don’t like the gym, totally don’t go. *grin* I use it as an example because I prefer my exercises climate-controlled with a sit-down in the sauna afterwards. I’ve spent too long struggling to breathe outside to ever really embrace the whole walking/running outdoors thing. But when fat people are visible, in marathons and dance classes and yoga studios and anywhere else people are moving their body because it is good for them to move, we break down – a little more with each viewing – the idea that fat is a barrier to exercise.
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In March I took a series of classes over the weekend about getting in touch with what being a woman really means and I almost didn’t go because the course descriptions included movement and dance. I just couldn’t picture dancing around a room without wanting to hide. I went anyway though and it was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. We would punctuate the things we were talking about and activities we were doing by standing up and moving and feeling what it was like to be fully present with our feelings in our bodies. I was shocked to discover that it felt great to move my body. I mean, really great. As a life-long fat girl, this was a revolutionary idea for me. I had convinced myself that moving was a horrible experience after being made fun of over and over as a child and teenager. This idea was even more pointed by the fact that every other woman in the class was thin and they were more embarrassed than I was. No one could move with their eyes open, we all had to be in our own corners.
I didn’t realize that I had trained myself (although I certainly can’t take all the credit for this one!) to believe I wasn’t allowed to enjoy moving if I was fat. Just like I wasn’t allowed to enjoy eating or having sex or expressing and fulfilling any desires my body had.
I’m so glad you posted this. It has a lot to do with why I don’t go to a gym. In fact, I can hardly bear to exercise in public – I do Leslie Sansone online walking videos instead, in the privacy of my office. I can’t even do it at home in front of my spouse and children. Part of it is the fat hatred, but it’s also a complex mix of not wanting people to know I’m actually working on being healthy, somehow – I don’t want the comments of “Good for her, because she REALLY NEEDS IT.” Layers and layers of guilt and shame.
Kimberly, that sounds like a really amazing – and difficult – experience. Yeah, I have found, regardless of weight and shape, that pretty much most women hate their bodies and are uncomfortable moving freely in front of other people.
When my boyfriend first moved in, I had a seriously issue with him watching me get dressed. I was comfy in clothes and comfy naked, but the process – all the weird movement and strange positions involved in putting on a bra, for example – made me incredibly self-conscious. Even though he was not watching in order to judge my body!
Women police themselves SO much more efficiently than anyone else ever could.
car, I think unpacking those layers is part of the way to overcome them. I don’t know if it actually lessens the intensity of the feeling, but it gives me a handle on it so I can better manage it. I really appreciate how you are articulated the internal dialogue of the process. This is going to take at least another entry!
I’ve never been shy about doing my part
When I used to go to the gym (I lived in a different city) I proudly paraded my fat self through the locker room *naked*. I only had one towel (didn’t want to bother with more than one) and it wasn’t big enough to wrap around me anyway. So I just walked naked from the shower to my gym locker.
And believe me I was the ONLY person of my size at that place. Most people were thin and/or muscular. So what. I paid my membership just like anyone else.
Now I exercise my much larger self in public outside.
Having extra mass on your body does make exercising different, and sometimes more difficult. I gained about 25 lbs in the space of a few months, probably not coincidentally during a time when I wasn’t doing a lot of exercising. When I finally made it back to a pilates class, I noticed that my belly – a new feature on my body – got in the way of a comfortable child’s pose. And I’m sure that moving around that extra weight required a bit more effort than I would have had to expend in my aerobics classes without it. And then of course there were the new boobs I was carting around.
It didn’t take all that much getting used to, and I’m a happy exerciser now with my new shape. It did take a little adjustment, though.
(I actually read in some yoga mag a while ago about modifying yoga poses that are difficult for fat people. Maybe December 2003 Yoga Journal? It was pretty cool.)
Curves, with all of their emphasis on weight loss dieting (even launching a new line of breakfast cereals, and presumably other upcoming foods) is fat-friendly? I think only in that they actively treat fat people nicely in order to get our money as they try (and try and try) to make us thin.
marybethorama, YOU ROCK. That is so totally awesome.
Sara, there are, for the *laugh* newly fat, which is just a great phrase, I think, an adjustment period. I think this person was talking about fat in general, though. And, yes, there are totally yoga mods you can do for the different poses. Unfortunately, a lot of yoga instructors don’t know them and/or won’t teach them. I’ve heard a lot of fat yoga horror stories – which is why I did it alone for so long. Kate might be able to provide some info about pose mods, though. Because she is a fabulous yogista. Which is a word I think I just made up but it is Friday night and I have had a very lovely beverage so I am okay with that. *grin*
The interesting thing about fat people who have been fat a long time is that their muscles are strong because of it. Gaining 25 pounds in a really short amount of time might indeed be like carrying around a backpack that has suddenly been handed to you, but if you’ve been carrying that fat a while? It is NOTHING like that analogy (which is why I hate that analogy. I am the equal in strength of my boyfriend who is much thinner and about 6 inches taller than me and who spends his day changing tires. He’s got some nice back muscles, though, I will give him that.
Ahem.
So, fat is definitely something that must be adjusted for with yoga, but it doesn’t prevent you from doing yoga. And, really, I am a mad fiend for aerobics. I haven’t taken an aerobics class in quite some time and now I am rather missing it. I love the rush of the movement!
Dreama, when I say they are fat-friendly, I mean they do treat fat people well. They are invested in the war on obesity but they don’t see fat people as the enemy. I was a Ballys member for a while and you’d think I shed contagious fat cells on everything, the way the staff and other members treated me. Curves is welcoming, encouraging, and insists that all women are beautiful even when they are fat. At least the 7 different Curves I have worked out at were so. I’m an LA Fitness member now because, frankly, I just wasn’t getting what I needed out of the machines at Curves – I like sustained cardio and challenging strength training – but I think they are a good place to start for people who have a gym-phobia. I’ve also never had a problem abstaining from the measuring that is such a ritual for many of the women who go to Curves.
The breakfast cereal thing is a new thing to me! Oh my!
While I love the idea of Curves, because of the owner’s affiliations and support of the pro-life movement, I choose not to support it.
As for exercise, I completely agree that if you’re able to move, you should, even if it’s just taking a walk! I’m not a big believer that Exercise means going to the Gym or running marathons. You can dance! Rock out at home, work up a good sweat, have fun!
Speaking personally, I bellydance, and if you’re nervous about doing that in public, buy or rent dvds and videos and do it at home. There are many different styles of bellydance, most of which do not require spangly revealing costumes. Sparkly anything will do, and you can email me if you’d like suggestions for dvds or costuming or just plain how to start questions. I too love aerobics, though I’ve never taken a class, plus hiking, walking, etc.
Let nothing stop you in feeling more confident about your body’s capabilities, no matter what anyone tells you!!!
Forgot to mention, exercise has never made me any smaller, I’ve never done it for that, I’ve done it because I love knowing I can outlast just about everyone I know in stamina – heh heh heh. Sometimes I just love being underestimated.
I am working up my courage to take a series of adult introductory classes to dance… they are billed as being for “absolute beginners” so I figure I won’t be the only one feeling shy.
I have to say that for all its faults, my local Bally’s has plenty of people of all shapes, sizes, ages and colors, and I’ve always felt comfortable there. In fact I just got back from swimming for almost an hour, yay! Sadly, I overheard someone talking about the amount of calories you burn while you swim. Ever since I’ve decided to exercise for fitness and pleasure, and not weight-loss, I enjoy it so much more. It’s such a different attitude.
I love yoga and miss it a lot, but the program I was in, the university doesn’t do it anymore. It was a fitness program designed specifically for fat people, and the yoga instructor was forgiving, awesome, and did easy poses. But once it ended, the program pretty much disappeared (the school’s in bad financial straits right now). There are regular yoga classes being taught, but I’m terrified of it because every time I pass by, it’s the HARD stuff. I mean feet on your head while balancing on the forearms difficulty.
Hell, it took me a month and a half just to not collapse immediately on the up/down-dog positions. I need upper body strength BAD.
Kate might be able to provide some info about pose mods, though.
I highly recommend Megan Garcia’s book and video for fatty modifications.
For child’s pose, it’s totally cool to spread your legs and let your belly hang in the middle. Ideally, you want to keep your knees through ankles parallel (if that makes sense), but your legs can be as far apart as you want.
And the best rule of thumb is, do what makes sense and feels right. Just make room for your belly or boobs in whatever way feels logical — if it’s screwing up your alighment, your teacher will tell you, but in a lot of cases, your instincts will steer you right.
Most of Megan Garcia’s modifications come from her experience of being a fat chick in yoga class, with teachers who didn’t know what to do about her belly. She figured out what modifications felt good, then applied what she learned in teacher training to make sure they were safe and effective.
I used to go to a gym but found the focus was too much on the weight, as in “Sarah, you are looking great lately, how much weight have you lost. It all got a bit much (an expensive) in the end so I went back to walking. Walking is my time and it doesn’t matter how fast I go or what I wear or look like.
I also purchased a kick ass bike because I wanted to be a fat girl riding. Last week when I was riding on a path two guys passed me and gave me a woo-hoo and said “good on ya”. Now, even though that positve cheer was better than abuse (which I have only got walking and never riding) it still had an air of condescension about it that irked me slightly.
The fact that they felt the need to comment on my body and what it was doing made me feel a tad exposed. I am also pretty sure that their encouragement had to do with their assumptions that I was riding for weight loss. I’m not in this to be an athlete or to dramatically reduce my body size. If only I could relate to them that the feeling of taking this fat body out and flying through the air on a bike surpasses any comtempt I would have to have for myself to make weight loss my aim.
Oh, and Violet, I started out with NO upper body strength — for real — and can now do crow pose pretty easily. Progress is gradual, but it’s real.
“Gentle” yoga classes are always a good bet if you’re intimidated by the hard stuff. Even though I’ve been practicing for a while now, I still love going to those. They’re often full of seniors and pregnant women, which can be a relief, intimidation-wise, or make you feel like a loser, depending on what kind of person you are.
But in my experience, they’re still much more of a workout than you might think.
alighment = alignment, 2 posts back.
I might have been drinking with Sweet Machine earlier.
I just started doing yoga again (after a break of about 6 years) and it is great! I always thought I was relatively fit, but after every class a set of different muscles hurt.
I am the fattest of the class, but am very flexible and can reach many positions easily. I love the expression of the other women in the class when they see me touching the ground while they can’t reach past their knees. 
)
On the other hand, I have been bullied often while exercising (I have had insults thrown at me while walking/running, snide remarks made at the gym, etc.) and after years of fighting I have become really tired.
BTW: Kate, I love your yoga pics! I desperately want to be able to do the crow.
Great Shape is a pretty good HAES book about exercising as a woman of size.
I’ve been going to a reference library for years, upstairs. One day I was on my way there deep in thought, not even on this planet.
I came to as it were staring at my forearm, I paused because I felt like something was missing. As I was checking myself from head to toe, I realised that my breathing was normal. I paused some more and it hit me that all these years I had been panting like a tired dog at this stage, because I was automatically making the adjustment, to fat person in motion, I was truly appalled.
That changed my whole view and attitude towards physical activity. It isn’t just internalised fat hatred, it’s also your emotional state and your general expectation. We treat ‘fitness’ like it is some kind of absolute, but it can alter within whatever level you are in, depending on how you feel about yourself. Your expectations of yourself, something cleverly exploited by the ‘fitness industry’
Physical performance is intimately connected with ones state of mind and beliefs about yourself.
I used to feel self-conscious about being big at the gym, but I’ve been to several fitness centers now with a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and ages, and I don’t really feel out of place. I even ran up the stairs to yoga class, passing some thinner people on the way, and kind of grinned to myself.
The one place I feel a little awkward is the locker room- NOT because I”m embarrassed about my own body, but because every other woman seems SO self-conscious about showing a nipple or butt cheek that it weirds me out a little. I’m totally cool with being naked in front of other people, but when EVERY other woman in there is going in the whirpool in a bathing suit, putting on lotion with bra and panties on, covering up with a towel while they change- it just kind of makes me feel sad and self-conscious aobut the fact that I DON’T hate myself and am NOT ashamed to be naked and fat. It’s a bit of a head trip.
I go to a LA Fitness too, and recently overheard one of my coworkers saying that chain in particular is more friendly to the unfit-trying-to-get-fit than most. I have noticed that, while there are a lot of super-fit or muscular people, there are also many people shaped more like me. The instructors will come up and check in with suggestions, but they tend to focus on form and changing routines to avoid injury or get more out of your time–it doesn’t feel impatient or belittling. I wonder if that filters down to the other people working out, makes it a more positive environment.
Urg, now the gym I went to before that…that was full of annoying people. There was even a group of girls (college-age) who would never change or get a shower, but would sit together in the locker room staring at the other women and loudly whispering negative judgements. I don’t understand why people would waste their time that way, but I guess it was important for them to feel better about themselves–worth idling in a sweaty smelly space to do so!
I used to belong to Crunch and felt very comfortable there. The staff were welcoming, and they seem to emphasize that all sizes and all levels of ability are welcome to spend their hard-earned there. I now belong to David Barton Gym, primarily because it’s in the office building I work in. It’s a shiny hipster gym where I am the biggest person there, and I love going. I was told when I first joined 15 months ago that if I didn’t get a personal trainer (to the tune of $6000 a year), there was no way I’d keep coming. 15 months later, I don’t have a personal trainer and my ass is there three times a week. There are few things in life I love more than defying people’s expectations.
I work out at the rec center of a university, so it’s full of fit, thin teenagers. It can be pretty unnerving at times.
I just realized, yet again, how much I LOVE my gym.
The people there are of all ages and sizes. There’s diet talk among some of the members, but no one gets miffed if you say ‘I don’t do dieting.’ People are more likely to remark on how well you’re moving or how much more weight you’re lifting since they saw you last than your size.
And there’s no locker room stigma on strolling around naked. You see college girls getting dressed alongside little old ladies and no one makes a big deal.
The staff is friendly and inobstrusive. If you need help they are all about being there for you. If you prefer to stare off into space or focus on your workout they leave you alone.
Now, if we could just get the yoga teacher I loved* to come back (family health issues, poor thing) it would be perfect. Okay, it could be closer to our new house.
Okay, it’s not perfect. There’s two or three guys who lift too much weight and then drop the bars and I HATE that. So when they’re around I turn on my Ipod and work on stuff at the other end of the weight floor.
* She was terrific at suggesting modifications based on ability without making a huge deal out of it. And no judging people’s size or fitness, which meant the fat girls and the senior citizens and the serious yoginis all adored her.
“This is why Fat Acceptance must be both a political AND a personal movement. Because fat people need to be seen in these devoted-to-exercise places and we can only be visible like that when individuals feel comfortable going there. We have to work this from both angles!”
Exactly, exactly EXACTLY. Once again I write a post, then come here and read your blog and you said it 15 times more eloquently than myself!
I go to a boxing gym and box. The crowd is utterly diverse. The owner is wonderful, friendly and helpful. I kick ass. It’s a beautiful thing.
Ok, yoga goddesses, clue me in, please: I’ve never, ever understood how yoga is relaxing. Because the poses almost always kick my ass, I sweat up a storm and more often than not am sore beyond all belief after doing it. Plank pose? Fuggedabowdit! *Child’s pose, however, IS soothing, I will give you that.*
I have several friends who won’t work out at a gym because they’re afraid of what other people will say or think about them. And that kind of used to bother me, too. Until I realized that nearly every woman there, no matter how skinny, thinks she’s fat.
After that, it got easier. Granted, I’ll still encounter the random asshole who thinks its funny to pick on the fat girl, but that shit tends to stop when I lift twice what they do, or on occasion, their body weight.
I love being strong.
I am a little worried, though, after five months out due to a back injury and butt surgery, I have lost weight (my clothes are loose) but I feel fatter because I’ve lost so much strength, muscle mass and tone. Hopefully in the next two weeks I’ll have the doctor’s ok to get back to working out.
Seriously, though. Almost everyone at any gym you go to feels about their body as you do about yours, and probably in many cases they feel worse about it, even if they do look “better.”
Sirriamnis said: ‘Almost everyone at any gym you go to feels about their body as you do about yours, and probably in many cases they feel worse about it, even if they do look “better.”’
BINGO. I think that’s very true.
Dame Mel : I am not the yoga goddess that Kate is, but if you’re hurting that bad after a yoga class then my personal opinion is that you should kick your yoga teacher into next week.
Yoga is pretty specifically NOT about pain, and you should only be doing poses you CAN do (which is more than you’d think with props and mods) until you build the strength and skill to do poses that are harder for you. It’s not an overnight process, but I’m amazed at how far I’ve come in a year, even with taking several weeks off for a badly sprained ankle last fall.
I’ve run into the “exercise/pain” mentality at several gym sponsored classes and it sucks. Find a real yoga teacher, not just an aerobics instructor who teaches yoga as a sideline, and you shouldn’t have as much trouble.
Tricia,
Yoga as a high-stakes competition! Seriously, thanks for the words of wisdom.
I tried “Yoga for Wimps” (the DVD), and I think the problem is I just try TOO hard. As in, I don’t know that i know HOW to relax when exercising. Yeah, how messed up is that?
Ahh, yeah, using a DVD starting out with yoga can be tough. For one — half of yoga (and relaxation) is the breathing, which can take a while to get without interactive help (at least it was for me).
If you’re still interested and can’t, or don’t want to, do a class, you could try starting out with some meditation CDs or DVDs to get the breathing and relaxation part right before you try asanas (poses) again. I’m not sure it would work, but it might be worth a try.
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