So, I was at my local bookstore, getting the next book in the Harry Dresden series (I am loving this series and am sad that I only have two books to go before the hardcover – which I won’t buy because I don’t buy many books in hardcover and I’ll have to wait until April of next year for the paperback). And, by the registers, they have magazines. And there is this month’s issue of People.

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Self, I says to myself, self, didn’t Valerie Bertinelli JUST decide to lose some weight?

So I did a little internet research and, why, YES, it was only April that the cover of People looked like this.

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So, let’s assume she hit her weight goal. 30 pounds in 4 months. That isn’t impossible by any means. It puts her right at that ever-so-doctor-recommended 2 pounds a week, even. But that means for the past 4 months, she has been actively engaged in losing weight.

In what universe does that connote keeping it off? I mean, if this were a year later….  But it’s not. And it’s not phrased as thought Kirstie Alley is giving Valerie Bertinelli advice. No, we’re meant to listen to how Valerie is keeping it off.

What’s she kept the weight off for? Like, a week and a half?

Not to mention the utter irony of taking advice on KEEPING weight off from Kirstie Alley who is quite famously a pro at the weight loss/gain roller coaster. I love her, but geez. Let’s be realistic. Talk to someone who has kept the weight off for a couple of years….

Oh, yeah. ALMOST NO ONE DOES.

I do not begrudge Valerie Bertinelli or Kirstie Alley their newfound love of their bodies. Though I do question what will happen and how they will feel should/when the weight almost inevitably begins to creep back on.

In fact, as celebrities, I think they have the best chance at keeping the weight off – they have a LOT more money and time than nonfamous people do to devote to the process and, really, that seems to be key.

I just…. Do you think the editors at People are AWARE of how silly it is to ask someone who has JUST lost the weight how they have kept it off? Is the meaning of “kept it off” really that obscure?

Also, in more superficial observations, that is a DAMN hot dress that Kirstie Alley is wearing. I want one.


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13 Comments

  1. Dancinghawk
    Posted August 13, 2007 at 12:33 pm | Permalink

    Okay, this is nothing to do with Valorie Bertenelli, but the Harry Dresden Series is like, one of the best ever. :)

    And of course People is being silly; silly weight loss crap sells magazines. (Sigh.)

  2. vesta44
    Posted August 13, 2007 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    I thought Valerie looked fine before she lost weight, so I don’t care if she keeps the weight off or not. But I do hope she’s prepared for what happens when she quits eating Jenny’s food all the time (and who wants to eat it for the rest of their life?). Personally, I can’t afford to spend $350 to $400 a month on food for just me (I spend less than that to feed my husband and me for a month).
    As for how she kept it off, come back in a year and we’ll see if she’s still the same weight she is now.

  3. Posted August 13, 2007 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

    What I find really interesting is that they stuck Valerie in a sack in the “fat” cover and in figure-hugging dress in the “skinny” one–and she’s standing in a way to emphasize her size in both pictures–look at her arms and the camera angles. Even the necklines of the clothing serves to embiggen or reduce her body size.

  4. Posted August 13, 2007 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    I *love* Valerie Bertinelli – she is *so* hot. When her whole weight loss journey began, I was a little bummed that her “career resurgence” was centered around her being skinny again. But yeah, I can’t begrudge her if she loves her new body! I am happy to see her face on magazine covers again :)

  5. Posted August 13, 2007 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    2 pounds a week sounds pretty quick to me!

  6. Posted August 13, 2007 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    1. Everyone thinks that as soon as they hit their goal weight they’re actively “keeping it off.” And everyone thinks, when they keep it off for a year, or two, or three, that they’ve beaten the odds, found the secret to keeping it off and must go forth and evangelize. And then nearly everyone gains it back by the end of five years anyway.

    I don’t exclude myself from that, sadly.

    2. I just went and bought the first Harry Dresden novel. I’m blaming you if I don’t like it. :)

  7. wriggles
    Posted August 13, 2007 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    It’s better to ask them how they’re keeping it off quickly, just in case. And hey, they haven’t rebounded immediately, reading between the lines here, that counts as a triumph.

  8. Kate217
    Posted August 13, 2007 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

    I read all of the Harry Dresden paperbacks in a week and a half. Then I read the couple of Codex books by Jim Butcher. It was like losing a friend when I got to the end.

  9. Madge
    Posted August 14, 2007 at 5:54 am | Permalink

    How old is Valerie now? I only ask because the inset picture on the lower corner of her on the FAT version is Valerie at like 18 years old. Are we really expected to have the body we had at 18 by the time we reach 40? (rhetorical). It’s bullshit. Valerie looked great “fat” and she looks great now. She should be happy at either weight.

  10. Posted August 14, 2007 at 6:30 am | Permalink

    1. I had a checkout line magazine incident recently, too….although I think mine was blind rage at a bunch of “Superstar X put on Y pounds, and how gross fat is she now?!?!” headlines. Made me want to steal them from the rack and burn them. (I didn’t. Barely.)

    2. Dresden freakin’ rocks!! I borrowed the last one in hardcover from a friend…and it would’ve been worth it to buy it.

  11. Posted August 14, 2007 at 7:50 am | Permalink

    Well, that is how the big Weight Loss Lies keep going and going, isn’t it? Just about anyone can lose weight, but virtually nobody can keep it off long-term. But seeing someone else dropping those pounds always keeps hope alive in some, because they’re *not* thinking long-term, usually.

  12. Posted August 14, 2007 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    So funny and so true. Thanks for pointing out this ridiculousness!

  13. Posted August 14, 2007 at 9:43 am | Permalink

    Madge: Bertinelli was 15 when she started on One Day at a Time and is 47 now. It wouldn’t surprise me if the “before the ZOMG fat” photo of her was from her teenage years.

    Personally I think the whole diet was a publicity grab. Nobody was paying attention to her before, and she had a few pounds to spare (her ex-costar Mackenzie Phillips trying the same thing would likely kill her), so why not? Celebrities want attention. The media goes apeshit over any change in weight, because they are assuming an average mental age of readership of about 9 years old.

    But yeah, “how they keep it off” is a bizarre headline, considering she just lost the weight. Congratulations, Valerie, for not gaining it all back in a week!

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