The Rotund

Still Here. Still Fat.

Dear White Fat People

| Posted in Action Plan, Discussion, Fatty Politics, Intersectionality, Letters

133

When I started this blog, I wrote imaginary letters. It was an amusing rhetorical device, kept me entertained – and, more importantly, it preserved the idea I had that, really, I’m just sitting here, talking to you as an individual. That was, and is, important to me because I believe activism in this format is most effective when we have a connection, when we see each other as human beings living unique experiences.

I’ve been so proud, over the years, to be part of the fat acceptance movement, to be part of the fatosphere. Some amazing things have been accomplished. Every email I get or person who tells me they have decided to stop hating themselves because there are other options, better options… That is transformative.

But from the beginning, the fatosphere has struggled with intersectionality. Specifically, the fatosphere has struggled with racism. There’s enough overlap between the worlds of fatness and disability (though I do not support the conflation of the two) that people seem to be good about acknowledging the intersections there. But fat acceptance has proven remarkably awful – I’d say almost as awful as mainstream feminism – at being sensitive to issues of race.

This is unacceptable to me. I have worked, here at the Rotund, to be as inclusive as possible – and I’ve also fucked up plenty of times. I’ve not done as much as I could to make this space inclusive. That is totally on me.

But what I have tried to do, as much as possible, is at least not let racist shit slide.

And, y’all, my supposed allies in fat acceptance, I have to say very honestly and with sincerest regret that this letter is necessary, some of y’all are fucking this up.

A lot.

If fat acceptance is a safe haven for racism in the name of solidarity and keeping the movement together, then I gotta tell you the truth: we’re doing it wrong. And not just a little wrong. If we are building a fat acceptance that supports racism then we are doing social justice fundamentally wrong on so many levels I cannot even.

I am debating with myself whether or not to link the post that has me all up in arms – I’ve long believed that we trade in pageviews on the internet. I don’t want to be cryptic by any means, but I also don’t want to drive traffic to sites that flat out don’t deserve it based on their own words and actions.

Let me explain – no, there is too much, let me sum up.

The Strong4Life campaign in Georgia is pretty much a bunch of gross fat hate. As so many of these initiatives prove, the path to hell really is paved with good intentions about saving the children. There was a response from the fat activist community – which I was really glad to see, even though I did not have the time or energy to participate myself. That’s the great thing about community – we don’t all have to fight every single fight.

I tell you that I didn’t have the time or energy straight up because I am not ashamed of that. We all have to balance our lives and our activism. And I also tell you because Shannon Atchka emailed me one day and basically threatened to “out” me in some fashion for being unwilling to help him. I’ve had my minor run ins with him before but I tried to have a fairly reasonable email conversation about how I wasn’t avoiding the campaign because of him – but my life was in a little bit of psychological shambles at the moment and I needed to focus on that. That didn’t go so well.

My plan was to just write it off as another difficult conversation with someone who essentially means well.

But now Shannon Atchka has decided to have a pity party and, frankly, some people have joined him in comments on his post about the matter.

Some of the comments on his post make me actively ashamed to be associated with fat acceptance as a racist movement – and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit quietly with that. Because fat acceptance belongs to me, too, just as much as it belongs to people making racist comments about how tired they are of being called out on their white privilege.

Listen, if you’re tired of being called on your privilege, consider that the people of color around you are probably EVEN MORE TIRED of having to deal with it. Plus they have to deal with living in an inherently racist society!

Yes, it absolutely sucks, my fellow fat white people, to be told that you have certain advantages. White privilege is a difficult concept for a lot of people.

But here is a basic fact of life: the people who most need to hear about something are the people who most protest hearing about it.

That means if you are kicking and screaming because someone called you out for doing or saying something racist… you might want to consider that the reason it feels so very awful is because YOU DID OR SAID SOMETHING RACIST.

Being called out is a favor, an act of kindness – someone is letting you know that your internalized racism is showing and getting all messy all over everything. It doesn’t feel very good at the time, but being corrected NEVER does. The key, the most important thing for you to do when you are called out, is to not freak out on the internet where you will only make things worse.

That’s what Shannon Atchka is doing. Atchka is calling out Julia Starkey because she dared to say something critical about Stand4Kids – the fat acceptance response to the Georgia campaign.

Now, I think Stand4Kids is a pretty cool concept. But I also accept and acknowledge that Julia was correct in her questions – and doing the people involved a favor by giving them a chance to explain what was going on.

It’s totally understandable to me, as a busy person, that the people involved in Stand4Kids were volunteers. And I definitely understand when people lack knowledge. But google exists for a damn reason. And creating a project or atmosphere of any kind that is welcoming to people of color involves more than an invitation to participate. That’s the tiniest step you can take in getting people of color involved. What you actually have to do – and if you don’t know how, that’s again why google is so very useful – is make your project or atmosphere actually welcoming. You have to create a space that invites diverse people to participate without fear of ridicule or hatred.

That is hard damned work. And I don’t think anyone is perfect at it.

The really great thing though is that no one is really expecting perfection. A genuine effort and a willingness to listen when we screw up is half the battle that we as fat white people trying to create diverse spaces have to fight. Screwing up is not the end of the world! It’s uncomfortable – we’re embarrassed and our feelings get hurt and we kind of flail around a little wishing no one had scolded us – but discomfort isn’t going to kill us. In fact, discomfort is a really great teacher, if we pay attention to it.

I see a lot of objection to the idea that people of color are not responsible for educating the people they call out. I get it, I do. It’s easy to think that if someone is going to call you out, they should put in the effort to tell you what you did that was so wrong and why it was so wrong. The problem with that is the obligation it places on the person who was offended or injured in the first place. The problem with that is that we as fat white people can, as I mentioned earlier, use google. Or we can talk to other fat white people! We are resources for each other in so many other things; we can help each other with this as well.

In fact, I’m going to volunteer to field racism 101 questions here – if you’ve been called out and you don’t understand why, you can ask me about it instead of the person of color who called you out. How about that?

There is a difference between saying a person of color is welcome to participate (and solve the diversity problem their own damn selves) and saying that it’s something that will be addressed. One is a deflection of responsibility – the other is an acknowledgement that it hasn’t happened yet but we want it to, we’re trying to make it happen.

I don’t beef on the internet. I have too many other things to do (fat things! and clown school!) to spend my time stirring up online drama. I love y’all and I want our time here together to be productive. I want us to feel empowered and amazing. I very very rarely post angry – mostly because I always feel bad for being all pissed off after the fact. But this is worth it, this is worth posting and waking up to dissenting opinions in the morning. Because I do not want to be part of a fat acceptance that claims it is divisive to point out racism. I do not want to be part of a fat acceptance that defaults to a white perspective, a white experience. A white face.

The strength we have is in our diversity, is in the uniqueness of our experiences. Our strength is in the summation of our identities, as varied as they are. Intersectionality is vital because it keeps us invigorated, strengthens us, teaches us.

I know that white people get tired of talking about racism. And sometimes it feels like we can’t get anything right. When that’s the case, we need to sit down and shut our mouths and listen. It’s difficult – but it’s worth the effort because we have so much to learn, so far to go. Because it is complete and utter bullshit that our social justice movement can be derailed by the racism of white fat activists.

This is the link I want you to follow:

a response to white fat activism

from People of Color in the fat justice movement

Please, my fellow fat white people. Let’s stop fucking this up.

Love,

The Rotund

133 Comments


Dear Bravo and The Fashion Show,

| Posted in Adventures in Shopping, Body Image, Fatty fatty 2x4, Letters

22

So, I’m posting this in the middle of the night and you know that probably doesn’t bode well for my sentence construction but still.

I finally got to watch the episode of the Fashion Show where they had to design for “real” women. I’m not actually going to set aside my loathing for the phrase real women, Bravo, Fashion Show, because maybe you’ve not had any exposure to why this is a problematic phrase. Really, though, it’s a bunch of bogus bologna (thank you, Oscar Meyer, for giving me a way to spell that word every time). The models? Are real women. The not-models? Are real women. Fat women? Are real women. Also, transwomen are real women, infertile women are real women, butch women are real women if they choose to identify as such, and so on. “Real” is not determined by pants size. Can we please all agree that this phrase is very Lane Bryant marketing circa 1994 and move on?

Thank you.

I was interested in this episode specifically because Isaac calls someone out on being sizist. And it was so good. And she knew she was busted and that her actions were unacceptable no matter how much she tried to cover it up. CRYING INTO YOUR HAT because your customer is not a clothes hanger is unacceptable when you are trying to be a clothing designer.

People of all sizes need clothes, bitch.

Yeah, I said it. It’s after 1am, Bravo and the Fashion Show, so please forgive me, but, well, I’m getting really frustrated with this idea that, oh, fashion is a pure art form that bodies above a certain BMI cannot possibly understand.

Because you know what? YES, fashion is an art form. But part of that art is making garments to fit all sorts of bodies. It would be a serious damn work of art if someone could design a pair of off the rack high-waisted pants (shut up, I love the sailor look) that fit me both standing and sitting. It would be a serious damn work of art for someone to design a dress that actually fits my bust instead of being tragically too small or laughably too big.

Bravo, Fashion Show, you want to challenge your designers? Have them design for fat people. Have them design functional and beautiful clothing for women who wear above a US size 20. Hell, make them design for a size 24, and then see who has real understanding of garment construction in a 3-D environment.

In the end, it isn’t Daniella that makes me angry. It’s that other kid, the one who said having to use everyday women as models is like asking Jesus Christ to work with Satan.

You know what my response to that was? Well, it’s at least marginally a family blog so I hate to spell it out but seriously. My response was, “Fuck you.” Fat people are not Satan.

At the end of the day, what I am taking away from The Fashion Show is that up-and-coming designers right now can’t actually design clothes to save their lives (well, I make exception for Reco because he was not even fazed). Because you know what? It isn’t easy to design amazing looks for clothes hangers – which is how the designers have referred to the models on your show – but it’s even harder to design clothes for people to wear and no one seems to have any interest in doing that at all.

At one point during the judging there was this lamentation that no one had made a dress or outfit to celebrate the supposed figure flaw. No one said, “Hey, here’s a big butt, let’s rock that.” That’s what I want to see. As a fat woman, I want to see clothes that are not about minimizing figure flaws as Cosmo or Vogue would perceive them. As a fat woman, I want to live and move and wear awesome clothes and I want to do that without popped collars and cinched, boned waists, and the like. I want to wear black because I am goth and not because I have no other choice.

I want to see designers being challenged – not just one time, one time that they’ll inevitably blame on the women for whom they had to design, but on a consistent basis – to create clothes that are wearable art, that can be worn by many different bodies. I want someone who can pad a dress maker’s dummy, dammit. If *I* know how to do that, why don’t these professional designers have a better grasp on it as a skill?

Bravo, Fashion Show, it isn’t that I don’t love you. I really do. It’s that I am fed to the teeth with watching you fall into the same body fascism that is everywhere else in our society – the same body fascism that is so freaking unavoidable everywhere. If fashion is supposed to provide a fantasy escape, why don’t I ever get any access to that?

Love,
Marianne

22 Comments


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