Soooooo, you may be noticing (or not noticing, if you read via an RSS feed *grin*) that there has been a huge change in the look around here. I’ve been concentrating on content for so long that I never stopped using the free layout I got when I started this site – fortunately, Jessi Miller, who is an incredibly talented woman, has mad skills in that department.

The look is not the thing that is different, however. My hope is that site functionality has improved as well. There’s finally an easier to read comment box, for example. And threaded comments so we can reply directly to each other and have conversations all over the place. (I love threaded comments so much.) There still a bit of reorg that I personally have to take care of but Jessi is phenomenal and I love the new site.

I hope you will as well. Tell me what you think!

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I don’t actually care that this is technically off-topic for this blog. Generally, I plead intersectionality and/or try to make it relevant. But I’m not going to apologize for linking to this.

I was adopted. I am a fan of adoption because I was born well after Roe vs. Wade so, as a surprise pregnancy for a single woman who thought she was too old to be a single mother (or so I’ve been told), I very well could have been aborted and, you know, I like being alive. My mother and I have had a rough history together but she has always been and always will be my mother.

As an adopted child, I’ve never felt any weird trauma about it. I think it’s natural to wonder what your life might have been like if you hadn’t been given up (and how problematic is that phrasing, y’all?) for adoption but I also wonder what my life would have been like if I had pursued law school after all. There are always alternate tracks, always possibilities we wonder about. Maybe my comfort level with this is because I’ve never not known about it. I didn’t get the weird guilty reminders that God sent to me my family (at the expense of my birth mother). It was a positive thing. It was a positive but difficult choice made to give me up (we seriously need better language for this) and it was a positive (but expensive) choice to adopt me.

I’ve wondered about my birth mother – primarily because I recognize what a difficult choice that must have been and I have always wanted to thank her. It tears me up to think that she made this incredibly difficult choice and then received no support for it – might still be suffering because of it.

As I said, though, I’m biased because I like being alive. It’s difficult to read that having an abortion is easier than giving a child up for adoption – because I REALLY LIKE BEING ALIVE. I can’t help but think she made a good choice because the option for me is, you know, not existing.

The solution, I think, is not to demonize adoption as a horrible theft of identity for the child and a life-long trauma for the mother (as I’ve seen some people do) but to fix the goddamn system.

Hell, the only way I’m getting my records is by court order and that apparently really only happens if you’re dying in Florida. That really DOES suck. That needs to be fixed. The rifts need to be healed.

And abortion needs to be just as valid an option. If a woman can’t face the idea of giving up her child or can’t handle the thought of pregnancy itself, FORCING her into it isn’t doing anyone – fetus included – any favors.

Abortion and adoption are not flip-sides of the same unwanted/accidental pregnancy coin. They don’t have to exist in opposition to each other, as they are so often presented. Fix the freaking system to save people from some of this damn pain.

I’ve gone off on a bit of a tangent but I’m not going to apologize for that either.

Adoption fucked up my head far worse than abortion. I’ve googled over the years about the psychological aftereffects of giving up a baby, and what little I found is astonishing. Depression and suicide rates ridiculously high, comparable to PTSD – and beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is no way you can cook any post-abortion trauma study to come anywhere near post-adoption trauma levels. Strange how peer-reviewed studies on this are damn near non-existent; strange how nobody mentions any of this when it’s not just your mind on the line, but also that of your kid or kids (more on that later). Strange how this is never on the radar when these stupid obstructionist anti-abortion rules are proposed by retrofuckwits.

Nobody ever seems to address this stuff.

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So, RaceFail09. (Summary here.)

You know, there is so much to be said and so much that has already BEEN said. And I keep trying and feeling wholely inadequate when it comes to adding to the conversation. Especially when I think about unpacking the ways this is mirrored in fat circles. But here is what I can say at this point:

1. My white friends – being told you did something racist is not the same thing as being called a RACISTOMGELEVENTYONE. It kind of feels the same sometimes, so that defensive urge is actually a pretty natural response. But you need to check it. Because your hurt feelings don’t actually mean that you aren’t doing something racist. Something that probably hurt some other people – otherwise they wouldn’t have mentioned it. Give yourself some space if you need to – especially on the damn internet – and process your hurt. Then see if you can take something constructive out of what was said. Don’t use your feelings to trump other people’s feelings and belittle their concerns.

2. White white friends that are writers – if a person of color says your depiction of a person of color is problematic, pretend you’re back in a workshop. This is a chance to make your writing BETTER. Your intent isn’t so much the point if your audience isn’t getting it, you know? These people are doing you a giant favor.

3. Electing a black president does not make us a post-racist society. I mean, really? No. I get that some people don’t feel like they have benefited from things like white privilege and male privilege and, you know, as an individual maybe you got the short end of the stick. But it doesn’t mean those things don’t exist on a societal level. Try to keep that in mind – these criticism of you as an action-taking entity are often informed by more than your own actions. That sucks, sure, but it’s also a side effect of living in a racist system. Work to root out racism and maybe we can get rid of the unfortunate side effects that screw things up for everyone, too.

In the meantime, check out Verb Noire. This is a start-up in direct response to the lack of people of color in the science fiction industry both as writers and as characters. This is a serious Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is kind of effort and I support it. Which is why I’m putting a donation button here where you can easily access it. *grin* But seriously, sci-fi needs a kick in the pants and I think this might go a long way toward lacing up a pair of kicking shoes.

And, in the meantime, here are the submission guidelines!

We are looking for original works of genre fiction (science fiction/fantasy/mystery/romance) that feature a person of color and/or LGBT as the central character. Book-length manuscripts must be at least 250 pages, and short stories cannot be over 100 pages. All manuscripts must be double-spaced, in 12-point font (Times New Roman, Courier, etc) in black text, and must be a Word/Open Office compatible document. We ask that you insert a header with your name and the first two words of the title at the top of each page. Please do not send them as read-only files as that will make any editing more difficult.

ETA: We will accept works from white authors as long as the central characters are of color and/or LGBT.

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A quick amusement – I did my nails and did this little tutorial over on Bugawk. I only just now realized that… I painted my nails to match this site. Ha!

Oh, pink and black. Good times.

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This song is about ten years old at this point but I was reminded a little while ago of how damn much I love it.

Daler Mehndi is so awesome.

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Happy Love Your Body Day!

It’s a damn shame we need a day like today but man, do we ever need a day like today.

If ever there were going to be a day on which you walked around and caught a glimpse of yourself in a reflective surface and liked what you saw…

I think today is also a good day to tell y’all about a new project I’ve been working on. See, I have this friend, JT. And she does a FIERCE chicken impersonation. In as much as a person can impersonate a chicken, I mean. Somehow, we wound up making chicken noises at each other.

Which is why, back in 2003, I found myself registering a ridiculous chicken noise as a domain. We have tried to get this project going ever since and now, it’s happening – with some incredibly awesome co-bloggers who will introduce themselves over the next couple of weeks. And now that silly url has become Makeup Chicken.

We’re going to be talking about makeup. Squeeing about makeup. But we’re also going to be talking about the politics of makeup. Everything from the way race intersects with a trip to the makeup counter to the socio-economics of high-end brands. We’re also – and I’m really excited about this – going to tackle some super basic makeup 101. I’ve heard from lots and lots of people (particularly fat women) that they were just never taught how to do anything with makeup and now they are intimidated.

I hope y’all will come over and check things out. And, if you have any makeup questions that need answering, I hope you’ll ask us!

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I’ll be sans computer most of this weekend so if you are first time commenter, it might take a little while for your comment to be approved (all first time comments – and comments with links – go to the moderation queue). I’ll be checking the queue from my phone.

In the meantime, I hope y’all have a great weekend. Talk to you on Monday.

And feel free to use this as an open thread over the next few days!

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Hey, y’all, I’m having some technology problems that are keeping me offline – which is why you haven’t seen me for a few days! I’m going to solve the problem tomorrow, finally, so we’ll soon be right back at it. And, boy, do I have a couple of posts that I am dying to write!

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